What it Means to be Alive
by Hephaestus01
Summary: Sequel to They Did Not Fade Away. The nature of love and what it means to be human. Please R and R.
1. Chapter 1

I have been waiting for years to commit these thoughts to paper. I have a few different ideas, so I may write a few other stories OC from the line I've already started.

Now that I am writing, I find that the thoughts and ideas are flowing so quickly I can't really contain them. I apologize for any typos or spelling mistakes, I do proofread vigorously, but I already know what I am trying to say, so sometimes I miss things that are right in front of me. My fingers move a little slow for my brain, sometimes.

The last story didn't seem finished. This is the sequel I started working on the moment the first book was done. I'm very excited to share it and I am very excited to hear what everyone thinks.

Thank you so much, all of those who are reading and critiquing. I appreciate it more than I can say. Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1

There was a hail of applause as Angel stepped from the Stage. He felt as though his internal organs were running on hamster wheels. His hands were shaking. He hated stages. He wouldn't admit that though, so he was hard pressed to find a reason not to speak at the UCLA Law School graduation. Maybe they would get a few good applicants out of it, he reasoned.

Buffy was waiting for him by the car, a huge grin on her face. She was positively giddy. "You did so well! Angel, that was so good!"

He hugged her, still feeling a little shaken. He had awful stage fright. He shook himself from that, though, and kissed his girlfriend. She was beautiful today, more glowing than he had ever seen her.

He excused himself to go into the building designated for after the ceremony to mingle with the crowd of young graduates. Talking to the young men and women had been part of the deal. Buffy made her way to the refreshment table inside. She was glad the building was air conditioned.

Angel didn't mind mingling as much as he thought he would. Some of the graduates were actually interesting. He gave out a standard generic Wolfram and Hart business card to about twenty graduates, hoping two or three would apply to the company. He only wanted the best of the best.

Will would be waiting for him at the office. He was holding down the fort while Angel had been giving his speech. Will had helped him compose the speech, which had helped with Angel's nerves a little. Having someone else tell him what he had written was good had been a confidence booster.

After a few hours, he and Buffy slid into the back of the car and headed back towards the office. She looked a little tired. "We can go home if you want. I'll make you cupcakes."

"Hmmm…cupcakes. No, I'm okay. I want you to go to work. And I should do some work too."

He had assured Buffy that she never needed to work again if she didn't want to, but she had laughed at him, saying a life of ease and luxury was not for her. She wanted to work, to contribute to their lives. Even with his assurances that she contributed just by being her, she had insisted she needed to work.

Buffy had explored other avenues of careers before going to Wolfram and Hart. She had looked at a book store, a coffee shop, a department store. They seemed boring. Normal. Too normal for her. When she had walked into Wolfram and Hart after a couple weeks of searching and watched Grahalix demons walk past her, she knew she had found where she wanted to be. Angel didn't have to think twice about hiring her. She was expecting some low level position, maybe even a secretarial position with some other executive. Instead, she found herself with a small corner office on the third floor of the building.

Angel had seen a position for her even before she had asked him for a job. He had hoped she would want to work there because he knew exactly where he wanted her to work. She was heading up the Insurgent Control division. Angel had been striving not only to erase a good portion of demons from the planet, but to get the ones that could live peacefully or without harming humans to do so. Solving every war that came up between demon factions and families was more than anyone running another department could handle.

He had created the position with Buffy in mind, and for a few months, the chairmanship had gone unoccupied. When Buffy took the helm, a lot of rebellions were squashed with 24 hours. Not many demons wanted to deal with the infamous slayer. Buffy had proven very good at negotiations, though, and once she overcame her first reaction to kill the clients, she was able to reason with them rather well.

More than one war had been stopped because Buffy was sensitive to both sides, and had both sides compromise. Angel couldn't imagine how many human lives had been saved already by her efforts. She was sensitive and could be slow to anger when she wanted to be. And most of the time, she was given a level of respect and deference that no one else Angel could have hired would have been given. Her status in the demon community was often enough to make peace.

Xander had not faired any better than Buffy in the job market. Neither had college degrees, and the only marketable skills either one had were to do with demons and apocalypses. And there weren't many markets for those skills. Xander had found his niche in personnel. It sounded unglamorous, but he had huge amounts of responsibilities.

People that worked for Wolfram and Hart did not only undergo background checks. They were thoroughly sifted until they were judged to be of a high enough caliber to work at Wolfram and Hart. Xander's primary role was to ferret out people who had slipped through the sifting process. Angel didn't want to think of his job as some kind of Orwellian creation, but it sometimes was unsavory.

Xander excelled at unsavory. He found out who was not above approach and then figured out why and what they were doing. He was the internal police of Wolfram and Hart. That meant he traveled a lot, a fact that he liked very much. He couldn't be stagnant for very long. He went to every Wolfram and Hart branch, looking for traitors. He had found quite a few in the five months he had been with the company.

Angel had given him full reign and a long leash. Xander's official title was Employee Wellness Coordinator. He liked he humor in that. He could commandeer anything he needed to, including cars, jets, and the like. He had a practically limitless company credit card, and his disarming smile and easy demeanor immediately put people at ease. Angel had toyed with the idea of giving Xander control of the fate of the employees he found, but had decided against it after careful consideration. He would leave that up to Will. Will was better suited to tasks like that.

Xander had stayed with Angel and Buffy for a month, until he found his own place. Angel hadn't minded his company all that much, and the guest house had afforded both Xander and the loving couple an acceptable level of privacy. Xander liked his anonymity.

He worked under a lot of pseudo names. The only time he used his real name was when he was at the LA branch. That had been about half the time he had worked there. The other half of the time he was traveling the globe. He loved the lifestyle.

Fred was on maternity leave, and had been for two months. For the last month of her pregnancy she had been on strict bed rest. She hadn't followed those orders, but she had taken time from work. She refused to ask Wesley to take so much time off just to make her a sandwich because she couldn't get out of bed to do it herself. No amount of negotiating could move her on that matter. Wesley hadn't protested all that much.

She had given birth two weeks ago to a baby girl. Wes had chosen Allyson for the name. She had a shock of dark hair on her head, even when she was first born, and she had dark eyes like her father. Wes had taken two weeks off, one right before the birth and one right after, but Fred had kicked him out after that. Apparently he was a little too doting. Wes was doing a lot less overtime, now, though.

Gunn had stopped dating Luciana. She was a little too demanding of his time, he said. For some reason, she had felt the need to complain about his seventy hour work weeks. He needed a woman who could understand his work, he explained. He didn't seem in any hurry to find that woman.

Dawn was going to be arriving soon. She had found an apartment, with Angel's help, and would be moved in within the week. She had graduated at the top of her class and the Council had been pushing hard to recruit her, but she wanted none of it. She had her eye on a prize and she could not be dissuaded.

William had been a little apprehensive about Dawn moving to LA. He had managed to deny her for the weeks she stayed with Angel, but he wondered if she would still have her eye on him. He hoped not. That would be more awkward than he could handle. She had already applied for a position in Wesley's department, and Wesley had been eager to have her. She was trustworthy, knowledgeable and worked well with others. His current employees only had two out of three of those qualities. It would be a pleasant change to have someone in his department that had once left the library to have a life.

Angel reached across the car and put his hand on Buffy's rapidly expanded stomach. His joy had outweighed his shock. Apparently, Buffy hadn't been on any kind of birth control, as he had assumed that first day they reconnected. She had forgotten he wasn't a vampire in that regard. Six months later, and he was preparing a nursery. Again.

He was sure he wanted to be a father. If men had biological clocks, his was ticking. Even so, he had been loosing sleep over this baby. He was afraid of a repeat of his previous attempt at parenthood, and swore to have Dawn keep a very close eye on Wesley.

Buffy had been shocked. She had cried for a few days. Then she had been elated. Once he shared how happy he was with her, her joy had doubled. She had bought a dozen baby books within the first week of finding out she was pregnant. Angel had read them too, not wanting to rouse her suspicions. He also figured he could use a little brushing up.

As they pulled into the parking lot of the law firm, he wondered what surprises his job had in store for him today.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Wes was pacing. He wanted to go home. He wanted to hold his baby and kiss his wife. He wanted to tell Angel about the note he had received. His nerves were frayed and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. Someone knew what he had done. They were going to tell Fred, they were going to tell everyone. He would lose his family.

Shaking himself, he decided no one was going to know. He wasn't going to let anyone find out. It was his secret. He hadn't really done anything wrong, he reasoned. It had worked out for the best. No one had gotten hurt; no one was the worse for what he had done. So, how could anyone threaten him with this?

He looked at the note. He had to find out who sent it and why. He knew why, he chided himself. He worked for a formerly evil company that now fought evil. A lot of people had been put out by that. He was an easy target. Buffy's pregnancy was not well known, Will was beyond reproach as far as everyone knew, and Gunn had nothing to be blackmailed with. Wes was the best target. He had this dirty little secret. He could be exploited.

Well, he wasn't going to let that happen, he decided. He was going to find whoever sent the note and he as going to kill them. Then he would destroy all evidence of his activities. He calmed himself. He could fix this. There wasn't a problem he couldn't solve.

* * *

Will finished the letter he writing commending the Sedgol leader on his compromise with a neighboring clan. Russia would be a little safer without those two old families at each other's throats. Buffy had sent him a summary of the proceedings and had already closed the file, but he knew the Sedgol leader and knew that the old demon would want a higher up to congratulate his fine intelligence and bravery. The demon needed a little ego stroking.

Looking at the clock, he wondered how Angel's speech had gone. He knew Angel had wicked stage fright, but the speech was good and Angel would pull it together at the last minute, he was sure. He was more worried about Buffy. It was June, now, and the heat wave that hit Los Angeles was brutal. She was over six months along, almost into her seventh month, and she was not dealing well with the heat. The ceremony had been outside, but she had insisted on going to support Angel. She knew he was nervous.

Will knew Angel was excited to be a father. He had never seen the man so on task, so focused, before. He was thrilled for his friend. Will also saw Angel's trepidation, though. That was fair, given his history with fatherhood. Will wasn't supposed to know about that. No one was; Angel had seen to that. Will had his informants, though, and he had ways of finding information no one else could. He was glad Wes had given up that chase a while ago. His budding wife had taken precedence over unearthing Angel's secrets. Will suspected they had a couple of months before Wes was back on the trail.

Dawn's upcoming arrival worried him. She had called him a few days ago to say she would arrive in the next two or three days. She was excited to see him, she said. He was happy to see her, too, but the edge in her voice made him squirm. He knew that tone. Will had almost been happy to see her leave in January when her responsibilities at school had called her away again. She had kissed his cheek and whispered an "I'll see you soon" in his ear. Her voice had been rather seductive.

He had more important things to worry about right now, though. Wes had been spooked all day. Ever since a courier brought him a letter when they first arrived at the office, Wes had secreted himself away and hadn't answered any calls. Will knew when to look into things and when to let things go. This required looking in to. He wouldn't worry Angel yet, and he didn't think Gunn had noticed, which was good. He needed time to sort it out before Wes did anything stupid. Will was more aware than most of what Wesley was capable of. If he felt cornered, he got sloppy. Connor was proof of that.

Picking up the phone, he dialed Wes's secretary and had her set up a lunch date for Gunn and Wes. He had to verbally pet her a little, she needed some cajoling, but she did it. Wes had given her orders that he did not want to be disturbed, but his secretary seemed willing to disobey those orders for an important meeting with Mr.Gun. Will then called Gunn's office phone. He put that line on hold while he called the same number with a second line. It went straight to voicemail; the private numbers they all had for each other wouldn't ring at any other phone than the exact one dialed. The second line got Gunn's answering machine. Faking Wes's accent to perfection, he left a message asking Gunn to meet him at his office for lunch and to bring a certain case file. He hung up in the same manner Wes did after he left messages.

Smiling, he answered his phone on Gunn's second ring.

"You called me and no one was there."

"Sorry, mate. I hit the phone with my elbow." Will knew the key to a good lie was not to go into too much detail. It made people suspicious.

"That's okay. Want to meet for lunch?"

"I have a meeting. I'll catch you tomorrow."

"You got it, man."

"See ya'."

He was good at what he did, he thought. He had to give himself credit for that.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Buffy wanted to lie in front of the air conditioning vent and eat chocolate cake. She wanted a foot rub and a neck massage. She wanted to have sex with Angel. She just couldn't figure out in which order she wanted to do these things.

Angel had rushed back to his office with a purposeful stride. He had gotten a call while they were in the elevator stating a clan was in his office and they were a tad upset. Upset enough to kill a goat sacrifice on Angel's floor while invoking a few different Gods to smite Angel. Buffy wasn't impressed, but Angel had to go keep the peace.

She walked to her office alone. Fat and alone, she thought. She knew she was going to get bigger still, but for the moment, she wanted to wallow in the fact that she was huge. Angel loved it, he said she glowed. She said she couldn't tie her shoes. They were currently at a standoff.

After calling Giles and expressing the good news, she had asked him about Slayers having children. He had told her there had never been a Slayer that had a child. She was going to be the first. That scared her a little. There was no telling how her body would react to being pregnant. She had never been regular; the stress of her life and the constant strain on her body had done a number on her reproductive system.

It figures, she thought, the one time I ovulate in like seven years is the same day I get some. That's my luck.

She was grateful though. She had never thought about being a mom. Well, she had, but fleetingly. She had never thought she would live long enough to have children. Now, she wanted a bunch. She was considering adoption, though, because this was brutal.

When she had a craving, she got violent. It meant that she had been with clients less and less over the past two months, because her hormones were making her emotions unpredictable. Once the morning sickness stopped, which she would be eternally happy about, the cravings had started. It seemed that whatever normal women went through, she was going to experience three fold. She hadn't been sick in the morning; but the baby books all said morning sickness could happen any time. Hers had been all the time.

She had ended up in the med-lab twice to be treated for dehydration. They had given her a prescription for Compazine and that had helped a little with the vomiting. Angel had hovered over her for months. He was constantly worried about her, which she found endearing but also a little annoying. She had finally gotten mad, and in a fit of hormones, thrown him through a wall in her office. The wall had been fixed and he backed off a little.

Dawn was the most excited of everyone, Buffy thought. She went on and on about baby names, and a shower, and being an aunt. Buffy found her excitement contagious. The first few months had been difficult, but Dawn brightened her outlook on the situation every time Buffy thought she couldn't handle it.

Angel had started preparing a nursery only a few weeks after they confirmed she was pregnant. He had spent countless nights painting the spare bedroom across the hall from theirs. There was now an entire solar system on the walls. It was adobe red, with yellows and pinks and blues. It was a beautiful manifesto. It looked like wallpaper, but Buffy knew every line, every dot, had been painted by Angel. He claimed he still needed a couple months to finish it. He only had a couple months, she had told him, she was due in thirteen weeks. She had given him total control over the Nursery project.

She felt she had enough to deal with. She liked her work, but it was challenging. She was on the phone constantly, speaking through translators. She had traveled once, before she had known she was pregnant, but once she had found out, she and Angel had decided that would no longer be a good idea. Some clan leaders wouldn't come to her, so she was forced to telecommute a lot. Not that she minded, it saved her a lot of jet lag.

She looked up at a knock at her door and smiled as Will came in. He came bearing gifts. In his hands were nice little white boxes which she was sure had come from a bakery.

"You shouldn't have."

"Really? I'll just take these back then." He started moving back towards the door.

"Stakes kill hybrids too, I think." He voice was sweet and he laughed. He opened the boxes for her and handed her a huge chocolate cupcake. He knew her well.

Moans of pleasure escaped her lips and he threw his head back and laughed. She had a serious sweet tooth now that she was pregnant.

"How's the rug rat in there doin'?" He sat in front of her desk and pulled a small carton of milk from his jacket pocket for her.

"You're the best. He's good. She's good. I can't call it an it, you know? I want to be surprised. I think Angel wants to know, but he's a control freak. I need to be surprised. He started kicking this afternoon during Angel's speech. I think my bladder's bruised."

She was only half joking. The doctors told her the child would have her strength, or Angel's strength, or maybe both put together. She could be carrying Superman. They told her the child's senses would be enhanced, but probably not as much as Angel's. The doctors also told her she very well might have bruised organs if the child kicked too hard.

So far, though, her and baby, as she called the being inside her, had an agreement. Baby seemed to know just how much he could kick without hurting his mom. He seemed to know how much she could take.

"You look great Buffy." He meant it.

"I feel good. I feel fat, but good."

"You're not fat, you're pregnant. Big difference. And you look beautiful. And that baby is going to be beautiful. You're sure you don't want to know what it is?" He was as curious as Angel.

She laughed, they were incorrigible, really. "No, I don't. And don't go looking for that answer, either."

"Yes ma'am. I've got to back upstairs. I'll see you later?" Rising, he waited for her to nod in between chews and left. He was confident she was going to be a great mom.

He had other things to do than find out the sex of her kid, he told himself. Wesley would be leaving in a few minutes and his opening was small. Making his way towards Wes's office, he hid in a dark corner in the hallway and watched as the two men passed by him. Gunn was talking a mile a minute and Wes looked more distracted than usual.

He ducked into Wes's office as soon as they had rounded the corner. He went to the desk first. Well, the table, he corrected himself. There was nothing particularly interesting there. There wasn't much of interest in the garbage either. He looked around, wondering where Wesley would put a secret hidey hole.

The picture. The only picture on the left wall. Indeed, there was a tiny compartment behind the Asian print. He smirked and entered the code on the touch pad. He was a dangerous man when he wanted to be, and Wes could be surprisingly predictable sometimes.

A compartment in the opposite wall opened. He went to it quickly. Knowing Wes, it closed after a set period of time. There was a stack of papers. He grabbed the most recent just before the compartment closed. Flipping through the file, he found a note wedged in the middle. The file was boring, nothing to hide away, but the perfect place to hide something was within something boring.

Looking at the note, his face paled for a moment. This wasn't good. He reentered the code that opened the compartment and put the file back as quick as he could. The note went back exactly where it had been. He walked at a pace just slower than a jog out of Wes's office and ducked into a corridor just as Wesley ran down the hallway and threw the door to his office open. Will ran silently down the hall and rounded the corner just as Wes turned around.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

They sat down in the firm's cafeteria. Gunn was digging into his fettuccine with gusto. Wes ate his tofu pasta a little slower, commenting on Gunn's ideas about the Bradford case. They had been meaning to get together all week to discuss it.

When Gunn looked up and took a drink, he said "I'm glad you called me to have lunch. I thought this was never going to get done."

Wesley froze. "You called my secretary. She said you wanted to have lunch today. I didn't call you."

"I have your message on my machine, Wes. You called me."

Wes was up and running before Gunn finished his statement. He ran to the elevator banks, pushing a few people out of the way to get on. He barely contained himself while waiting to get to his office. When the elevator doors opened, he ran down the hall and flung the office doors open.

He was out of breath, his heat was racing. There was no one save himself in his office. He turned when he thought he heard something, but no one was in the hall. Going to his secretary's desk, he slammed his hands down in front of her. She jumped and looked at him with wide eyes.

"Who called to set up lunch with Charles?"

"Mr. Benson did. He said it was on Mr. Gunn's behalf. I…"

"Why didn't you tell me that?" He was yelling, attracting the attention of everyone in the hall. People were poking their heads of their offices to stare at him. "What are we paying you people for?" His voice boomed down the hallway and everyone promptly went into offices and shut their doors.

Wesley took the stairs to Will's office, two floors above his own. He didn't have the patience to wait for an elevator. He didn't knock.

Will looked peaceful, a little surprised at Wesley's intrusion. "What can I do you for, Wes?"

"What were you doing in my office?"

"Going through your personal files." He leaned back in his chair and gently put his hands on the arm rests. Wesley looked as if he didn't know whether to be shocked or furious at Will's honesty. He looked like he was going to lean towards furious.

"What the hell were you doing?"

"What the hell kind of spell took three witches, combined, that long to perform? I wonder what that was." The last statement was laced with sarcasm; he knew exactly what Wes had hired those witches for. He stood, now, his own anger rising. "What were you thinking? Wes, you could have…"

"Shut up, Will! I know the consequences! I would have done anything at that point, don't you understand? And I would do it all again."

"You're a fool. Now we have to fix this. Not just you, Wes, oh no. This is my problem now too. I'm not leaving you alone on this; you'll fuck it up even more. You've got no faith, that's your problem."

"Faith in what, William?" His anger had turned to grief quickly. Will understood what Wes had done and why, but he didn't approve in the least.

"We're going to fix this. Tonight. Tell Fred you're working late." He took a seat at his desk again and went back to papers in front of him.

Wesley was not used to being dismissed. He wasn't used to people breaking into office either. He suddenly knew what the employees Xander went after felt like. His anger was rising again. How dare Will order him around like that, he thought. He did he think he was? Wesley's superior, technically. Wes didn't fully admit that to himself, though. He didn't think of Angel as his boss either. He was an entity that operated out of Wolfram and Hart. He didn't answer to anyone.

Except Will, it seemed. And Will seemed awfully sure Wes could not handle this on his own. Wesley rebelled at that. Everything inside of him rebelled at that. Will did not know that he couldn't handle it. Suddenly feeling as if the world was turning against him and he was the only sane man left alive, he left the building. He was going to take care of this now, without that annoying ex-vampire.

He made his way to the elevator banks at the same time Will grabbed his things and ran to Angel's private elevator. Will hoped he would get to the ground floor before Wesley did. The elevator was nonstop, though, and the one Wesley was on was not.

Will watched Wes leave. He was standing a few feet away from the security desk, at the coffee stand. His back was to the doors, but he smelled Wesley passed him by. He knew he would do this. All the better, Will though, he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.

Wes followed Will outside and got into a car he had at the curb. He watched Wes pull out of the garage and pulled out to follow him. He stayed a decent distance away. There were half a dozen cars in between him and Wesley, but with his superior vision, it was going be hard for Wes to lose him. He followed the ex-watcher North on Route 5, through Burbank. Wesley was sticking to the highway, which made Will's job of following him easier. He still kept a respectful distance, at times even switching lanes to make sure Wes wouldn't get suspicious.

Will continued to follow him onto 118. When Wes took an exit, Will continued to the next one. He pulled into the direction Wes would have to be and drove through the side streets. Wes's car was parked three blocks away from where Will was. He stayed in the shade, his sun glasses on. Throwing his jacket into the car, he rolled his sleeves up and started up the side walk. This was a suburban area in Ventura County. This was not where Will thought a trio of witches that had sustained a spell for almost a year would live.

He sniffed the air. Wes was on the other side of the street. He caught his scent on the wind, and followed it to a nondescript house on the corner. Wes was definitely in that house. Sneaking through the gate at the side of the house, he went to the side window. He could hear Wesley speaking with someone who was definitely not a woman.

The next sound he heard was a swishing sound. It was quick, harsh, like a zip sound but not. Will jumped when it happened. He knew what that was. He was around to the back of the house and through the door in an instant.

Wesley was standing over a body of an old man. The gun in his hand was still smoking. Will looked at the scene and knew Wes had just screwed up. The man's body was slowly changing into its natural form. A gnarled and grayish scaly skin replaced the pale white wrinkles.

"It's broad daylight. There are neighbors at home down the street. And he wasn't the source of your problems."

"He was the man I went to. He sent me to the sisters. He was going to…"

He grabbed the gun from Wes's hand and shook the man hard with his free hand. "He wasn't the source. And now he can't tell us who was. The note didn't come from here." They had to go. Will suddenly knew with certainty that they had to go. He shoved the gun into the waistband of his pants and pulled his shirt out.

"Go to your car, get in. Follow me. If you don't do as I say this time, I swear I will kill you."

Wesley knew Will was not exaggerating. He did as he was told. Following Will through the back door and over a fence in the yard, he made his way to the car in a round-about way.

Will snuck through empty backyards. When he came to the house that was occupied, he ran through the few feet in between houses and emerged behind a hedge. He walked behind the hedge a few feet, and then slipped through it and walked calmly to his car. He was still wearing his sun glasses. Pulling out of the street, he watched to make sure Wesley was following him. He got on the highway quickly and drove until they hit Glendale.

That was where he got out of the car and basically dragged Wesley into a small office building. They went in through the back door into an abandoned complex. The windows were boarded up and it was in dire need of a new carpet and a fresh coat of paint, but the building did not look like it had been used as a crack building or gang hall yet. It seemed fairly secure. Going into the basement, Will grabbed a black duffel bag and set it on the table. He put a matching bag next to it.

"Strip." He stood there, waiting for Wes to follow his command.

Wesley weighed his options. Will was going to knock him unconscious and strip him if he had to. He chose to stay awake for the day. Stripping to his underwear, he watched as Will put the clothes into a plastic bag and tied it shut.

"Now stay here. Don't move and don't touch anything." He grabbed a rag and a box and went out to the cars. People had seen them. Wesley was so much more careful when he wasn't panicked. The neighbors would identify the unfamiliar cars that had been parked on the street and the two men that had gone towards the same house a man had been murdered in. He wasn't much of a man anymore, but the cops would treat it as a homicide anyway.

Will put on a hat and gloves and pulled everything from the cars, proceeding to wipe them down. He cleaned the trunk inside and out, the tires, under the seats, the inside of the dash board. Everywhere. He wasn't going to make it easy for anyone to tie this to them or the company. After he had cleaned the cars, he went inside and hauled out a vacuum sweeper. He wondered how long he could keep Wesley done their, mostly naked, before the man started putting his prints everywhere.

When he was sure there were no fibers in either vehicle, he moved everything that had been in the cars into a box and took that inside. He made quick work of the plates, switching them to different plates that were registered to the same car makes and models. He would have to make a few phone calls in the morning to make sure those plates would check out.

Taking the box, which had the hat, gloves, old plates, and possessions in it inside, he went back to the basement. To Wes's credit, he hadn't moved the whole time Will had been gone. Opening the duffel bag, he handed him a set of clothing.

"Go home and change the minute we get back. Don't go to the office."

He changed into the clothes in the other duffle bag and pulled his phone out. He made a few calls. The cars would be in chop shops by the end of the hour. He took out a set of keys he kept hidden in a tiny locked box under the work bench and put the duffle bags in the box with the stuff from the car. There was nothing from either vehicle that couldn't be replaced. He dismantled the gun.

They walked outside in silence. A street away was a parking garage and in the lowest level was a navy blue Toyota Corolla. They got in using the key from the lock box and Will starting driving. He stopped at a funeral home on the way and went in with the box, sans gun parts and license plates. Those were in a bag in the backseat. When Will came back out, he didn't have the box.

It's good to have friends, he thought. He had thrown the box and belongings into the incinerator in the mortuary. Carl had looked at him funny, but he knew the undertaker wouldn't say anything. Wolfram and Hart had kept his son out of jail last year.

Will kept driving. They drove right through the city and on into Palos Verdes. Pulling the car over, he walked through the night air to the edge of the sea. He threw a few pieces of the gun that Wesley had used into the ocean. He threw them with all his might, and that meant they went pretty far.

Getting back in the car, they drove up the coast until they got to Redondo Beach. A few more pieces went to the sea there. The last pieces disappeared at Marina Del Ray. The license plates were slipped through a sewer grate on the street.

When Will finally got back into the car, he allowed himself to go off autopilot. He was mad. He was more than mad. He was going to have to save Wesley from himself, and Wesley wasn't going to make it easy.

Turning to his friend, he found that he just wanted to beat the crap out of him. Will would have to rebuild his secret holes, the one in Glendale was no good to him anymore. He would have to ditch the Toyota, too. And find a new parking garage. The list kept elongating and he kept getting angrier. He had never meant to use these reserves for something so stupid.

"Don't tell anyone. Not even Fred. Dunk yourself in whiskey and say you went out with me. If anyone at the office asks, you had business in Huntington Park. Use Roberts' name, he'll back you up. A long meeting about his aging father's will. And don't be stupid anymore."

He drove Wes to a bar in the city Will knew the other man had sometimes visited. "Go in, spill a drink on yourself, and go home. Fred's probably out of her skull."

Wes got out of the car silently and walked into the bar. Will knew this was going to be a long night.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Buffy and Angel were going home. She was tired, more so than she wanted to admit. He cooked her dinner when they got home, and she found the energy to want him afterwards. They made slow, lazy love that night. She fell asleep not long afterwards.

Angel snuck out of bed. He didn't want her to hear him going to his office; she was a nosey woman. Taking the book out of its locked glass case, he touched the over lovingly. To anyone but Angel, it was a centuries old, falling apart, tome about vampires. Not unlike a few books Giles had in his collection. To Angel, it was a lifeline to his son.

He whispered a word to the book and the pages opened. Connor appeared there. Sitting at his desk, he read about what his son had been up to lately. He had graduated college; he was seeing a girl from Santa Monica. He was happy. Angel looked at his photo, he was smiling, his arms around the people he thought were his parents. He was a well adjusted and soon to be successful young man.

Angel had made sure the Los Angeles County Museum of Art was going to promote Connor soon. Not that the young man hadn't earned it. Angel just thought having an unknown benefactor wouldn't hurt the boy. He was bright, he was ambitious, and he was talented. The art director hadn't had any qualms about raising him in the ranks.

Angel closed the book after a few moments and replaced it in its case. The best place to hide something was in plain site, he thought. No one would dare touch such an antique. It looked like it could fall apart at a slight wind, and Buffy hadn't looked twice at it.

He didn't plan to tell her about his son. This was something that had to be kept secret. She wouldn't understand this. She wouldn't understand where Connor came from, or why Angel had done what he had done. Angel barely understood it. He knew that the son of two vampires was not meant to be an art restorer in LA, though. Connor was meant for greater things than that.

Angel wanted to make sure Connor had some kind of life before all hell broke loose, though. The Powers would call on Connor eventually, enlist him in the cause. Some part of Angel, though, thought that if he did the work of ten men, twenty, if he could bring peace, Connor wouldn't have to be called to battle. It wasn't a conscious thought, but it was there all the same. Angel didn't want Connor to be called up. He wanted his son to have a normal life. He wanted his son to get married, have kids, and grow old.

If he could do enough good, the Powers wouldn't need Connor. Angel could do the work that he and Connor would have done put together. If he did that, Connor could be left alone.

He listened suddenly as he heard Buffy getting up. He went to kitchen quickly and pulled out a tea bag and a cup. He had never made tea so fast in all his life. When she came downstairs, all she saw was Angel dunking a tea bag in hot water a few times.

She smiled. "Couldn't sleep?" She looked a little worried, but not overly so.

"I'll be fine. I just to relax for a few minutes."

She nodded her understanding and sat with him at the table. They talked about their day, something they had started doing at dinner but abruptly stopped when they became distracted by sex. The novelty of being bale to make love hadn't worn off. Angel hoped it never would.

When he saw her start to drift to sleep as she sat, he rose and prodded her up the stairs. She was so beautiful, he though. So perfect. Nothing in the world could make him ruin their relationship as it was now. They had become so close, restored so much faith in each other, he knew he could do nothing to jeopardize that. He rubbed her belly as they lay in bed, wanting to listen to the heart beat of his baby for a little while longer. He fell asleep to the steady and fast rhythm of a fetal heart tone.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Fred was asleep when he got home, so he snuck in to check on Allie. She was asleep. She was perfect, he thought. In that moment, he knew everything he had done had been worth it. He wouldn't have changed anything, even if he could.

Fred's arms encircled his waste. He smiled and held her hands for a moment before turning to face her. She was bleary eyed. Her chest was swollen with milk, and her slight frame was only a few pounds heavier than it had been before Allie's birth. Fred swore the extra pounds were all in her breasts.

They walked out of Allie's room and into their bedroom. Wes undressed and Fred lay back down, knowing Allie would be up in a few hours. She didn't begrudge Wes a night out; he hadn't gone out in a long time. She had been mad initially, especially when he didn't call, but she figured one night without responsibilities would do him good. He smelled like a bar, and it was late, she just wanted to fall asleep in his arms. He made her wait a little longer though, as he went to take a shower.

When he did finally lie down and hold her against him, she sensed something was wrong. She could read him like a book, even when she wasn't looking at him. She was too tired to deal with it right then, though. She fell asleep, vowing to question him in the morning.

* * *

Will was washing the blood from his hands. It had been a very long time since he had to do that. The sun had already come up over the horizon. It had taken him all night to track down the witches Wes had used. It hadn't taken long for them to tell him what he wanted to know. From there, it had been a long drive north and a long morning torturing the man that wanted to blackmail his friend.

The man hadn't taken long to talk. He was powerful, that was for sure. But few people turned away a man that had been in a car accident. That was story Will gave him. Will looked the part, too. He shirt was torn, his head was bleeding, he was holding his side as if it was bruised.

After he had been invited it, one look at the place told him he had the right man. He had wasted no time in knocking him unconscious. He tied his hands, harder to cast a spell that way, and then Will did a little casting of his own. It was a simple power binding spell, but it was easy to do on someone that was unconscious, they couldn't it fight it while it was cast. Once it was in full force, Will woke him up. Not pleasantly.

He hated to think of how he used the techniques he then employed. He shut that out. The man didn't want to talk at first. It only took Will ten minutes to get him to change his mind. Not for a moment did Will think this man was the mastermind of the plan. This man was a flunky. He wrote the note, delivered it. He did not think up the plan. Nor was he willing to say who had.

That changed an hour later. Will showered in the man's bathroom and threw his clothes in the garbage. He sat in his car, in clean clothes, a wig and dark glasses and watched the garbage get thrown in a huge truck and hauled away. He would never have thrown the clothes out had it not been garbage day. They would have come with him. This was better, though.

The self inflicted head wound was healing. He had a cover story for that, but it was Saturday. By Monday, it would be healed. He was going to disappear for the weekend, fix the mess Wesley had started. He couldn't believe the man had been this stupid.

He understood his motives. He sympathized. But it should have been handled much better, and he shouldn't have done it alone. Will would have helped him from the beginning; even of he didn't fully believe in what Wes was doing.

The way it was, now, though, Will's hand was forced. He had to go to the source and eliminate them. They had been enemies of Wolfram and Hart since Angel had taken over. They thought they could eliminate Wesley, hut Angel and the company in the process. They hadn't counted on Will.

Few people knew William Benson and Spike were one and the same. It made his job easier. He was thought of as an executive, Angel's second in command. That meant he was respected and dismissed all at the same time. They didn't know he was two hundred years old or that he had killed two slayers and hundreds others. No one knew his capabilities. That meant he could operate under the radar. When he attacked, no one would see it coming.

Even fewer people knew he had super powers. There were some in the demon community that knew he was formerly known as Spike. Only his friends and a hand full of doctors knew he was a hybrid. Angel's talents were well known, but William Benson was thought of on the same level as Wesley Wyndram-Pryce or Charles Gunn; a human with powerful resources to back him up. That made him smile inside.

These fucks will never see me coming, he thought.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Xander was hoping he would get back to LA in time to make the executive board meeting. He was surprised Angel had asked him to be a part of that. Surprised, but glad. Xander felt he had already contributed some intelligent ideas to the group.

Xander liked this work. He found evil employees and he ratted them out. He was the ultimate tattle tale. Really, though, he found it invigorating. He liked traveling under fake names, and it gave him a rush when he found himself in the middle of an emotionally charged scene between evil employees. Ruining the day of a child sacrificing cult just gave Xander a warm, fuzzy feeling inside.

He didn't know what Angel decided to do with these people, and he didn't really care. They were demons in human skin, as far as Xander was concerned. The people he looked for were the people invoking hell gods to take over people's bodies. In the back of his mind, that was what Xander thought about. He thought about preventing another Illyria.

He wondered at the morally grey areas of his job sometimes, but he lost little sleep over that. Angel was very careful about who was hired. There was a long process a person had to go through, but some people beat the system. Just like FBI profilers could test as schizophrenic on an exam if they tried to, some people could test as normal and good willed during the Wolfram and Hart process. There were no schizophrenic profilers, and Xander doubted that everyone hired was full of good will.

Some people were just bad. Some people wanted to ruin everything Angel and the others had built, had worked so hard for. The best way to destroy something, and Xander knew that Angel understood this concept very well, was from the inside out. He was going to make sure that didn't happen. He saw the good that was being done, and he thought if he could help that process along, he wouldn't be too disappointed as he looked back on his life years later.

He knew he wouldn't be able to prevent every disaster, but he figured he was still doing his part to save lives. He had fought with his fists and heart for so long; he found it refreshing to fight with his head for a change. It wasn't easy to the sergeant at arms of multi dimensional corporation, but he was starting to get the hang of it.

Xander had yet to travel inter-dimensionally. He hadn't been doing this job long, and he wanted to get the hang of it on Earth before he started hopping portals into hell dimensions. It was odd, but it seemed like most of the problems with employees happened on Earth anyway. He rationalized that fact with the knowledge that everyone who worked in the hell dimensions was evil already. Angel kept a tight leash on those branches.

He smiled a little at that thought. There were rumors those branches were going to be shut down. That should be heck of sight, Xander thought. He doubted any of those employees would go quietly. Angel had mentioned that they still needed contacts in other dimensions if only for trading goods and information.

Beyond the trade agreements Xander was sure Gunn was writing up, they had little need for other dimensional branches. Wolfram and Hart, before Angel gave it a makeover, had been directed from a hell dimension. Xander got the inkling that Angel wanted those branches closed for other reasons, as well, though.

Angel had mentioned something about the misuse of resurrections. Xander had found a few examples in archives about demons and hell spawn the company had brought back to life and unleashed on the world. He could understand why Angel would want to eliminate that possibly.

What Xander didn't understand was Will's reaction to the idea of closing those branches. He hadn't reacted badly, and he hadn't been in favor of the idea either. He had sat at the meeting table and stared at Angel as though he wanted to see through the man. Everyone else had been speaking, but Xander had been watching Will, who was studying Angel like a new creature from outer space. He had meant to talk to Will about that but had been sent to Dubai before he had the chance.

It wasn't that worrisome, really, but he had a gut feeling that something was going on not everyone was privy to. Buffy didn't know anything about it, he was sure of that. If Angel had ulterior motives for wanting to shrink those portals, she was unaware of it. She had answered too honestly, and had readily offered her support of the idea. She would have tread lighter had she been aware of any possible ulterior motives Angel had.

The plane was quiet and the ride was smooth. He was the only one on the jet, and he was relieved to have the quiet. The last few days had been difficult. He looked forward to getting back to LA, his new home, and relaxing for a day or so until he had to back to work. Hoping he wouldn't be too jet lagged to make the meeting happening the nest day, he allowed himself to drift to sleep for a little while.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Her desk was cluttered. She was due to get on the phone, via a translator, and threaten the socks of a Gaefer demon. Her back was sore and she was mad as hell at the brief on her desk. Buffy had been in the office for about five minutes.

She tackled the crises one at a time. She wrote a very short and not very nice response to the underling, who had sent her the brief, and stated very clearly why the cult of vampire wanabees in LA couldn't just be killed. They could weird and gothic all the wanted, she said, until they started killing people for blood. Then she would get mad.

After that, there was eh Gaefer demon. He chaffed her, the chauvinistic jerk. She almost hung up in his ear a few times, but she threatened to come see him in person and talk about their differences, he started being a little nicer. A thinly veiled threat from a slayer still held pull with demons.

Once that mess was sorted, she started cleaning her desk. Most of the papers had to be filed, others were notes she could get rid of. Some she had forgotten she needed to sign. It was almost lunch by the time her desk was finally clear. Looking up to see who was casting a shadow over her work, she smiled to see her Angel.

He kissed her check and crouched at her side, rubbing her belly for a few moments. She let herself relax a little.

"Rough morning?"

She nodded. She liked her job. It was challenging and kind of fun sometimes. She was shown a lot of respect most of the time, and it was a nice change to deal with demons with words instead of her fists. She wouldn't be much help in a fight these days anyway.

Her stomach protruded far over the edge of her pants, and she couldn't sit as close to the desk as she wanted to. She was in her twenty-seventh week, and the doctors had given her a tentative due date of September 16th. She was not excited about having her third trimester during the LA heat. She already noticed that her energy was being zapped, not uncommon during the third trimester. For a couple months, she had felt like superwoman. Now she felt like superwoman who had been hit by a truck.

Angel put his ear against her stomach and smiled. The baby was moving around, getting to ready to kick. He always kicked in the afternoon. Angel called the baby a 'he' but he really had no idea what the sex was. He didn't care. He just wanted a happy healthy baby that no one as going to take away from him.

At times, the strain got to him. His businesses were thriving, Wolfram and Hart was going through a growth spurt, and he was happier than he had ever been. Even with all his good fortune, as Buffy grew with the baby inside her, he became more and more nervous. Flashes of a past that existed for only him would come unbidden to his mind, and he found himself more than a few times drenched in freezing sweat and sitting with shaking hands.

He wouldn't tell her. He wouldn't be able to explain to her why he had such fears. He dealt with it the best way he could. He was just proud he was staying out tot the bottle. He hadn't been drunk since those few days before Christmas. He was happy for that, but he had been forced to find other ways to deal with his emotions. Not all of them were healthy.

Standing, he took Buffy's hands in his and helped her to her feet. She took a deep breath and smiled tiredly at him. She needed to go home.

"Anything pressing for this afternoon?"

"Not really, I think all major crises have been averted. I'm hungry."

Laughing, he put his arm around her. "Let's go home. I'll make you lunch and you get some rest."

"I'm not a baby. I can last a full day at work." She was walking with him downstairs anyway. She was only protesting half heartedly. She wanted to snuggle next to the full body pillow on their bed and sleep for four days. She had read that this was the time of her pregnancy she would be most exhausted, but she hadn't thought it would be this bad.

The drive home was quiet. Angel told her about what Xander was doing in Dubai, the people he had found making sacrifices to a hell god in order to bring him into this world. She knew he was purposefully leaving out the fact that the sacrifices had been of children. He was upset by this, and she knew he didn't want to talk about that part of it. Xander had called her yesterday from the hotel he was staying at and told her all about it; she didn't feel it necessary to tell Angel that.

She was happy he was speaking. He had been so excited when he found out she was pregnant. After his initial elation, though, he had become withdrawn again, and she had feared a repeat of their first few days together. He seemed to get himself together quickly, however, and her fears were postponed for the time being. Now, he doted on her. He cooked for her, he massaged her back and ankles, he even went maternity shopping with her a few times.

Most of her shopping had been Fred before the other woman gave birth. Buffy had panicked a little when she found the only way she could wear her pants was pulled low below her stomach. She had panicked further when none of the clothing she had suitable for the office would fit anymore. Even camisoles and unbuttoned blouses started to look a little ridiculous.

Fred had been in her eighth month when Buffy had asked to go shopping with her. Fred had been small up until her last month, and then he stomach grew exponentially. There had been some concern over her lack of weight gain, but the baby was healthy on the ultrasounds and Fred said she kicked all the time. Fred had barely looked pregnant for the first thirty weeks. Buffy looked like she swallowed a beach ball.

The two women had started becoming attached to each other. Fred told Buffy very embarrassing things about carrying a child that made Buffy a little green in the face. The two liked spending time together, though. Fred was funnier than she let on, and Buffy could sense that the woman just needed a friend to confide in. Fred wasn't as tough as nails as she wanted everyone to believe, Buffy concluded.

The food Angel made was always delicious, and it was always good for her. He did nothing without thinking of the baby, she thought. He kissed her and talked to her for a while before she fell asleep. He left soon after.

The stack of papers on his desk was twice the size it had been when he left. He would never begrudge Buffy his time, though. He would rather give up everything at Wolfram and Hart than spend less time with her. She needed help now; her due date was fast approaching. She was tired and hungry and cranky a lot. He didn't mind much. He was just glad she was the one that had to carry their baby and not him. As long as the cosmos saw fit to make her the one to gain thirty pounds of baby weigh, he would take off as much time as he needed.

He dove into the pile of briefs with not so much enthusiasm as determination. He ignored the calls coming from Gunn's office and he basically ignored Gunn when he came in to talk about something. He signed whatever it was that Gunn wanted signed after a precursory glance and went back to work. It wasn't until Will came in, without knocking, looking like he had the world on his shoulders did Angel stop what he was doing.

"We need to talk."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Will took a seat, but his posture was that of forced calm. His eyes had a dark look Angel hadn't seen in a long time.

"I need your help. There's a situation. I tried to resolve it all weekend, but I can't do it alone. The man should be helping me…isn't much help. Can you take the rest of the day off?"

Angel looked at the clock, it was nearly six. He should have left already to go help Buffy. He sighed; she would call if she needed him. She wasn't helpless, he reminded himself. The paperwork on his desk was lessened, but there was still about four hours of work to do.

He considered his options for a minute and then stood and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. He wouldn't turn Will down for anything. He would just have to come in early tomorrow and have a driver take Buffy in when she was ready.

Angel followed Will in silence to parking garage and got into a car he had never seen before. That's when he knew Will was up to something. They drove nearly an hour before Angel felt the need for a full explanation.

"Wes got into some trouble. We need to kill some people so he gets out of it."

"Well, that's not vague, or anything. You know I have a pregnant woman at home. A hormonal pregnant woman. I don't doubt she can still kick my ass, and I hate to test that theory. I can't stumble in tomorrow morning."

"Call her, then, and tell her you won't be home tonight."

Will had purposely phrased his question about Angel talking the rest of the day off the way he did. He had wanted to get too far from the city for Angel to tell him to turn around. He watched as Angel regarded him angrily then pulled out his phone. He told Buffy it was business, that he could explain everything tomorrow, pointedly making eye contact with Will as he said that part. She was not happy, but she told him she loved him and to be careful.

When Angel hung up, he knew from Buffy's tone that she believed none of his 'it's business' line. She was a lot smarter than that. She also knew he was already into what mess he was dealing with and would have to finish it out.

"Start talking." He stared holes into Will's head until the other man finally answered.

"Wes hired a trio of witches a while back to do some dirty work for him. They did the job, but sold his name to guy name Kittridge. Kittridge took the information to a group of people that hate you. They tried to blackmail Wes. I killed Kittridge a few other middle management types. Now I have to go the source of this shit storm. I thought I could do it alone, but their security is very good. I need your help."

He took that all in. what was Wes up to now? Images of a baby Connor flashed through his mind and his heart seized. He suddenly wanted to beat the living hell of the former watcher. Wes always bit off more than he chew and then never asked for help fixing the problem.

"What the hell did he do this time?" Angel's fists were clenched and his jaw was set in a not pleasant way.

"This time? That means there was a last time." Will was quiet. He wanted to know if Angel would admit it. He wanted to see if Angel would come clean. He didn't.

"It's Nothing. There was no last time. Tell me what's going on."

Will nodded. He wondered if he should continue to play his cards close to his chest or finally lay out his hand. He decided this was not the time. "I'm not sure exactly. I know it was bad and I know Wes freaked. He went to Ventura County and put a bullet in a demon. Not that I mind, he didn't do it smart. He panicked and it messed everything up. Now, I've had to backtrack. That demon he killed could have told me what I needed to know, but instead, I go through a bunch of other people to get where I needed to go. There's a whole chain of shit I had climb up. We're at the top now."

"This is what you spent your weekend doing? Killing people to find out who's blackmailing Wes? And you don't know what the blackmail is. Right." He didn't believe Will didn't know what was over Wes's head for a second, but he couldn't do much to get the man to talk. Will would talk when he was ready to.

A thought occurred to Angel. Willow had told him that Giles had found 'questionable activity' at Wolfram and Hart. It was one of the reasons Giles had mistrusted Angel and his company. Was this what Giles had referred to? Angel had racked his mind and conducted a thorough investigation to figure what Giles had been talking about, but nothing horrendous had popped out at him. There had been the normal unsavory events that came hand in hand with being a defense firm, but other than that Angel found nothing of great interest. Even Xander had yet to uncover anything that would have tipped Giles off to the erroneous fact they were evil.

"This was what Giles found that made him suspicious of me. This is what he didn't like."

"Giles was suspicious of you from the word 'go.' But, yes, I think this tipped the scales a little for him."

"That pisses me off."

"Let's not wade into that pool, shall we? Giles is thoroughly behind and Buffy and has expressed great satisfaction at being as close to a grandfather as he'll ever get. He's on our side now. Let's not poke that bear in the ass again."

Angel tried not to focus on the fact that Wesley could have played a part in Giles' forced separation of him and Buffy. Images of Wes in a hospital bed, his throat slit, wires coming from everywhere came to his mind. He remembered the feeling of suffocating him before Gunn had ripped him away from the injured man. The memory of almost killing him was giving Angel pause. He shouldn't be feeling satisfaction with that memory.

At the moment, though, he was starting to pile things together in his mind, and none of it was adding up in Wesley's favor. He thought of Fred, of her miscarriages, of how devastated they both had been, though Wesley had never expressed it. He turned very mum and British when they tried to talk to him about it.

He remembered a Wesley few others did. He remembered the geeky bookworm that could barely lift a sword properly who had tried to be a 'rogue demon hunter.' He watched in his minds' eye Wes's transformation into a real part of the team, a badass, actually. He had turned into a great fighter, a hard nosed man who would do anything he had to do. The problem was, Wes sometimes he thought people needed saving when they really didn't. It made his life hard.

Angel remembered how odd Wesley had acted during the time right before he tried to take Connor away. Slowly, he started to draw parallels in his behavior not yet a year ago. His mind was reluctant to make such connections, but they were staring him in the face. He had become quieter, more withdrawn. His visage had been constantly serious, as if her were carrying the weight of the universe around. And he had been secretive.

Wes never meant to act secretive, he just did when he was hiding something. Even his posture changed. Angel didn't need to be a mind reader to see that the man was hiding something when he was. He almost punched the dashboard. Restraining himself, he cursed mentally. He had been so caught up in his own problems he had failed to notice that Wes had been up to something. He admitted to himself that he imposed blinders over his eyes for months. And now it might be too late to fix things.

It took approximately another second for his mind to determine exactly what Wesley had done. The timeline was right, and Wesley would have been motivated by little else. Angels' eyes widened. This wasn't good, he thought, this wasn't good at all.

Will glanced in Angels' direction. He had figured it out. Let no one say that man wasn't quick. It had taken Will a little longer to piece it all together; he had been following Wesley's movements for a few months now. The letter was the last tip off he needed.

They drove the rest of the way in silence, each knowing that it was going to be a long night.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Dawn liked her new apartment. She had only been in it for two hours, but she felt attached to it already. It was rent controlled and her roommate was starting to get used to her, she thought. Angel had warned her about the roommate situation, but she hadn't been bothered by it. It wasn't everybody who got to live with a ghost.

She was vaguely aware this apartment had belonged to Cordelia years ago, but Dawn's memories of her were faint, and the ones she did have were not favorable. Angel had explained to her that the apartment had been empty for a long time; a few people had tried to live there but had been quickly scared off by Dennis.

So far, she and Dennis had been getting along. It had taken Dawn five minutes to introduce herself to an empty room and start talking. She thought he was listening, and even if he wasn't, she didn't care. He wasn't going to scare her off, and they were going to friends whether he liked it or not.

The movers were arriving, and she directed them where to put the few things she had brought from England and the copious pieces of new furniture she had just bought. Angel had sent her a very generous sign on bonus and she had used it to pay for the first six months of her rent and to outfit the apartment.

The owner of the building had stared at her as if she had purple skin when she had paid for six months in advance. He had actually been reluctant to accept it, she thought. After a little cajoling, though, he did; although he had warned her it would be nonrefundable. She had laughed and assured him she wasn't going anywhere.

Even as she directed the movers and started to unpack things, she was thinking of Will. He was hot, too hot for her to ignore. With such an amazing prospect of a man right in front of her, she wouldn't accept anything less than him naked in her bed. Smiling, she thought about the possible ways to do that. There was always the Varsity Blues whipped cream thing. That could work.

No, she thought, better to be subtle. Make him think I just want his friendship, and then dive into his pants. Make him feel safe enough to let his guard down and then fall madly in love with her.

She had no intention of ever telling her sister what she was up to, nor did she want Buffy to know Will was one of the major reasons she had moved to LA. Buffy and the baby were her first and most important motivators, but Will made a close second. She couldn't believe he hadn't been snatched up by another woman yet.

When the movers weren't in the apartment, she talked to Dennis. None of her things had been thrown across the apartment or smashed against any walls, so she figured they were off to a good start. She told Dennis about England, about her sister, about her upcoming aunt-hood.

Breathing a sigh of relief once the movers were done, she looked around at the stacks of boxes and plastic wrap covered furniture. For a moment, she felt overwhelmed. Just then, a box of plates opened and the plates started flying towards the kitchen. They landed in a cupboard in an orderly way. When that box was empty, no others were opened. Dawn took this as a form of saying hello.

"Decided to talk to me, huh? Good. We're going to friends, you know. I'm not too bad to live with."

She smiled when another box started to empty itself. By the end of the day, the two of them had unpacked the apartment and rearranged the furniture several times. Dawn would often stop to ask Dennis what he thought of the arrangement and then watch as he moved things around. They finally came to a compromise around the time the sun was setting.

She ordered pizza and called Will's cell phone. It was off, which was odd. It had rarely ever been off when she called him. Shrugging her shoulders, she curled up on her new couch and dialed her sister. Buffy answered on the fourth ring.

"What are you doing?"

"Sitting here being pregnant. What are you doing?"

Twirling her hair as she spoke, she continued, "Where's Angel? Isn't he home? He should be rubbing your feet or something."

"He's off with Will on 'business.' Which I'm sure means they're up to no good. I'll find out in the morning, when he gets home."

She was surprised. "He left you alone? It must be important. Will's cell is off, too. I wonder what they're up to."

Dawn heard the pause on the other end of the line. "You called Will? You just got in this morning, you don't even call me, but you called Will? Huh…should I be concerned?"

Kicking herself, she heard with perfect clarity the thinly veiled threat Buffy was conveying. Dawn didn't need her sister beating the crap out of Will, that would be a bad start to a relationship. "I just wanted to go out, see the city. I'm all hyped up and I thought he would know where to go. You can't really go to the club with me right now."

Hoping that would be enough to put her sister at ease, she was disappointed when Buffy dropped the subject. That meant Will was going to get an ear full tomorrow. "When do you start work? Angel told me Wesley's very excited to have you. Apparently, there are some very smart people with very little personality in that office. Real book worms. You're a book worm that can interact with people…sometimes. It will be a nice change in that department."

"Thanks…I think. I'm excited too. Wes has great books I want to look at, and I can't wait to start translating. I mean, I'm not best with Sanskrit, but I can definitely lend a hand, you know? I hope Wes gives me some good stuff to work on." Rising, she stretched as she listened to Buffy explain the last few months at the office.

Dawn listened with rapt attention to Xander's activities, and responded with stories about Willow and Giles. She had seen Willow once in the spring, and the witch had explained with exuberance that the Council was going to open another school for slayers in America. Faith was in the running to act as headmaster.

When Dawn heard the doorbell she cut the conversation short and assured her sister that she would stop by the next day. Opening the door, her stomach jumped for joy at the smell of pizza.

She was glad she didn't have to eat in silence. Talking to Dennis saved her from that.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Angel was exhausted. Will did not look much better. Leaning against the car outside a large structure almost three hours outside the city, they both took deep breaths away from the smell of carnage and bloodshed.

They had worked together in their operation. It hadn't taken them very long to gain access to the house, the cameras watching the perimeter weren't fast enough to catch them on video. Even if they had, all the people watching the monitors would have seen were two men dressed all in black with face masks hiding their identities. There was no need to announce their presence until they were ready to do so.

Angel was recognized quickly once he took the suffocating mask off. He didn't care if they knew it was him. Will was an unexpected opponent, and the guards were poorly equipped to deal with two people who possessed the strength and speed of highly trained vampires.

It wasn't until every guard in the house was dead that Will removed the mask. He didn't need word getting out that he hadn't died, but had changed his identity. It was better to be a secret weapon.

Lepysis, a cousin of the dead Archduke Sebassis, was somewhere in the complex. Angel had known that Sebassis had a few family members he hadn't murdered for his title, but he hadn't really considered any of them a threat. He was regretting that mistaken now.

The two hybrids moved quickly through the complex, killing any guard they encountered. Lepysis, unlike his cousin, did not only employ only demons of his own race. The guards were big, of varying colors and textures, and very violent. Angel had started to enjoy himself somewhere around the fifth or sixth guard.

They moved quickly, wasting no time; there was no need to give Lepysis room to escape. When they reached the aging demon, he was indeed on his way out the back door.

They took turns trying to make him talk. He was not being very forthcoming.

Grabbing his long, thin horns, Angel bent the left one back slowly. The demon howled after it was almost at a ninety degree angle from his head. "Tell me what you want from Wesley. Money? A favor? What do you want from him?"

The demon alternated between laughing and howling in pain. This made Angel mad. He twisted the already bent horn until he heard cracking. This caused a new level of screaming.

"Still laughing? Why don't you answer my question?"

"Narsesim is coming." An incessant and maddening laugh came from the demon's throat.

Nothing either Angel or Will did could stop him from laughing. Even when he screamed in agony, he quickly started laughing again. Seeing they were going to get no further, they abandoned their quest for information and killed the white skinned creature.

Angel looked at Will as they watched the sun come up over the horizon. Lepysis's blood was rank, it smelled like blood that had sat for too long in a room with dead bodies. They were both covered with it, and Angel was sure he was never going to get the smell out of his nostrils. Will didn't look too pleased at their situation either.

"Normally, I would go to Wes to ask him who Narcissism is, but I don't think that's an option right now."

"It's Narsesim, Will, not narcissism. And I know who he is. Xander discovered a cult in the Dubai branch that was trying to resurrect him. They called him Narsysic, though. Probably a translation error." Turning to the trunk of the car, he pulled out the extra clothes Will had brought.

They wiped most of the muck from themselves and changed into cleaner garb, but they still smelled, and Angel was pretty sure he had the blood of one of the guards stuck in his hair. Will climbed tiredly into the passenger seat. It had been a long couple of days. Turning his phone on, he looked at his missed calls and swore. He would have called Dawn back, but he knew he would be seeing her in a few hours. She was going to start work today.

That gave him an idea. "Can Dawn research this guy? This Narsesim, or whatever his name is. I mean, what do you know from Xander's report?"

He hesitated. He knew more than he wanted to think about. His brain didn't really want to believe what he already knew to be true. Swallowing hard, he tried to choose his words carefully. "The cult in Dubai sacrificed children to this hell god. He demands innocent blood to be resurrected. Xander never looked into what this demon god would do once he was brought into our dimension."

Stunned, Will stayed silent for a few minutes. His brain was screaming obscenities. When he finally found his voice, he notices Angel was driving at almost a ninety miles an hour. "We're going to Fred."

He nodded. Bile was rising in his throat and he wasn't sure he could speak without his voice wavering. He wanted to believe Allyson would be spared, but he thought of Connor and knew that children, even babies, were targets for evil. If Connor could be kidnapped and taken to a hell dimension to be raised by an abusive and obsessive freak of a man, Allie could be sacrificed to raise a hell god. There were few beings more innocent than newborns.

Pushing the car as much as he could, he asked whatever power that would listen to please protect that baby girl. He pleaded mentally with Cordy, hoping she would have some pull somewhere. He just needed time to get there and get them to safety.

Will was already calling Wes's apartment. Fred answered, sounding none to happy to woken up at the crack of dawn.

He skipped all preliminaries. "Get out of the apartment. Grab Ally and Wesley and go to Angel's house. Go now. Don't pack anything. Just go."

The fear in her voice was evident. She was hardened, but not so much that she wouldn't fear for her baby. "What's going on? Will, what's wrong?"

"I'll explain, but right now there isn't any time. Get to Angel's house." He hung up before she could press him for information and hit the speed dial button for Angel's house.

It took Buffy a little longer to pick up the phone than it had taken Fred.

"What?" She sounded like she could strangle him through the connection.

"Don't go to work. Stay there, Fred and Wes and the baby are on their way. Don't leave the house, Angel and I are on our way." He hung up abruptly and met Angel's furious stare.

"A pregnant slayer is better protection than no protection at all."

Angel stopped himself from backhanding Will. "You're putting her in danger."

"And? What about Allie and Fred? They're not in danger? At least Buffy could hold the fort until we got there. On their own, they're toast."

He held his tongue. What was done was done and hopefully Fred was already in the car with Wesley and the baby and heading for the hills. Gripping the steel wheel so tight he thought it might break, he barked a command to call Dawn and get her to start researching.

Will didn't give Dawn a chance to say anything when she answered. He told her to get to Angel's and gave her the name of the god she was to research. Angel repeated the name the cult in Dubai had used so Will could give her both names to research. Will hung up before Dawn had a chance to say anything.

Will couldn't decide if he wanted to beat Wesley to a pulp now or later. Checking his anger, he deciding now was not the time to put Wes in the hospital. He would satisfy that need when this mess was sorted.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Dawn was in the car and speeding through yellow lights before she realized her heart was beating a hundred miles an hour. Her hair was a mess, she was in the track pants and t-shirt she had slept in, and she barely managed to grab her purse and put on a bra before running out the door and pealing from her parking spot.

She had heard of this demon. Buffy had mentioned it on the phone the night before, when she was talking about Xander's activities overseas. She had mentioned something about sacrifices and raising this hell god. As anxious as Will had sounded, she figured he was about to raised.

Luck was with her as she drove, no cops tried to pull her over. She reached Angel's house in record time and practically ran to the door. Buffy pulled it open before Dawn could knock.

"What's going on?" Buffy was in a robe, sweat pants, and t-shirt. Her hair was hastily pulled into a ponytail, and she looked a little worried and very mad.

"Will called me, told me to research that demon. The demon that cult Xander stopped was worshipping. Could you call Xan and tell him to get here? I think he could help me."

Buffy stopped herself from asking more questions. Dawn was in research mode. She swore to beat it out of Angel, if necessary, when he got home. She called Xander and relayed the little information she had. He was groggy, obviously jet lagged, but he said he would be there as soon as he could. Making coffee in the kitchen soothed her a little. The normality and habit of the motions calmed her ruffled nerves.

Baby was kicking and she had to place a steadying hand on her abdomen. She noticed that when she got stressed, the baby kicked. She wondered if she and her child would have the same connection she and Angel shared. They had figured out the pull they both felt when Buffy first arrived in Los Angeles had been their connection, calling to each other. She hoped she would feel the same thing with her baby.

It wasn't long until she heard another car pull in the driveway. Her hopes soared for a moment, but they quickly crashed again when she opened the door to Wesley and Fred. Fred looked shaken, and she had definitely just gotten out of bed. Allie was in her arms, sleeping peacefully. When Buffy looked at Wes, she was taken aback. His eyes were bloodshot and the anxiety he was feeling was clearly visible on his face. She had reacquainted herself with Wesley, and he was the kind of man that held his cards very close to his chest. It was disconcerting to see so much emotion on his face.

When Wesley had set the car seat in the living room and Fred had situated her sleeping baby into it, they followed Buffy a few feet away into the kitchen. Fred sat with a clear line of sight to her child. Wes paced.

"Angel and Will are on their way. They went out last night and never came back. I don't know what's going on. Wes?" looking expectantly at the ex-watcher, she knew he was aware of what all this fuss was about.

"I…did a deal with some unscrupulous people. I believe Angel and Will feel that my family is in danger over it. I can't say I disagree."

Fred shot daggers at her husband. Her eyes were burning with anger and also a large level of sorrow. Buffy could sympathize with Fred's feeling of betrayal.

"You did what? What kind of deal, Wesley? Why didn't you tell me and why are we in danger?" Her voice had steadily risen in volume as she was speaking, and Allie started to wail at the unwelcome noise.

Rising, Fred didn't wait for an answer. She went to her baby, lifting her from the carrier and rocking her while she walked circles around the room.

The doorbell interrupted Buffy from pressing Wesley further. Xander followed her into the house, taking stock of the hastily dressed occupants and the crying infant. This is not going to be good, he surmised. Not good at all.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Angel and will leapt from the car and were in the house before anyone had heard them pull in. They had gotten back into LA in almost half the time it had taken them to get to Lepysis's complex. By the look on Buffy's face, Angel knew he didn't look too good. She came to him in an instant, touching his hair with a look of horror and disgust.

"I'll wash it out later," he assured her.

"What happened? Where were you two?"

Will was already at the coffee pot, pouring two large mugs for him and Angel. They gulped the hot beverage before either answered. Angel had to remember to breathe before he could swallow again and think of an answer.

Xander came out from the hall that led to the library, where Dawn and Wesley undoubtedly were. He nodded a greeting and leaned against the kitchen counter. Fred was sitting on the couch with Allie in the crook of her arm. She looked ready to fall asleep and yet too wired to doze off.

It took another few gulps of coffee before Angel could answer. He had grown accustomed to at least three or four hours a sleep a night. "We went to this demon's house, the demon that was planning to raise Narsesim. Well, I think he was going to raise him. We killed everybody in the complex, including the head demon guy. And I got blood in my hair. Where's Wes?"

"In the library." He was gone before Buffy could ask anything further. Will, however, looked ready to be interrogated. She only had to glare at him to get him to start speaking.

"So…Wes did a bad deal. Well, he thought it was a good deal. You should hear that part from him, though. Anyway, he got a note threatening blackmail. Chaos ensued and I spent the weekend tracking who was doing the blackmail. We got to this lepsin guy and he told us Nar-what's his face is coming. Then we panicked and drove here like a bat out of hell. That's the short of it."

She shook her head. Did there always have to be a crisis? She sat heavily next to Fred and squeezed the woman's hand. Buffy knew she was hurting.

Fred wasn't just hurting, she was planning. Her devious side had taken over, and her planning of what to do about this situation was foremost in her mind. It hadn't taken her long to figure out what Wesley had done. The fact that neither Angel nor Will would explain what 'the deal' was only confirmed her beliefs. She wasn't exactly mad.

She understood why Wes had done it. It just wasn't acceptable. It was morally wrong, and cosmically dangerous. The cosmos were out of alignment. Nothing came for free.

Something in her recognized the name Will had butchered pronouncing. Fred just couldn't place what she knew or where she knew it from. It was dangling in the back of her mind, and the more she reached for it the further away it seemed.

Leaning her head back on the couch, she wondered if Wesley was getting anywhere.

* * *

Angel was pacing and glaring. Wesley shifted uncomfortably in his seat and Dawn pretended not to notice the silent argument taking place. After a few minutes, Wesley excused himself to go to the bathroom and Angel had sat at the long table Dawn was seated at and started helping research. 

Wesley did not need to use the bathroom. He had to get away from Angel's staring. He was still not sorry about what he had done. He was sorry about the trouble he had caused everyone and had been silently repenting for the danger his family was in, but he could not make himself regret the deal he had made. It had seemed so simple. He would get what he needed and the witches would be well compensated. He had paid them very well for their services. He had never expected them to sell the information to the highest bidder. His excitement had clouded his judgment.

He wandered through the back halls until he reached Angel's office. The door was open, and Wes found himself walking into the room before he consciously knew he what he was doing. Looking down at the glass case, he could not explain the draw he felt to this ragged and aged tome.

His breath caught in his throat and he wondered if Willow had ever been in this room. Thinking back, he realized that neither Willow nor Dawn had ever been in Angel's office. Now he thought he understood why. Wesley was no warlock, but he had conducted his fair share of spells. He could recognize power when he felt it. This book was emanating power. Had Willow been here, he was sure she would feel its pull as well. Lifting the glass cover, he carefully removed the text and set it on the desk. All he needed now was the password.

* * *

Angel looked up. Wesley had been gone a long time. Standing, he made his way from the library and through the halls. Will has headed towards him.

"I was going to help with the research…what's…" He didn't get to finish.

"Is Wes out there?"

"No. I thought Wes was with you."

Angel was off. Will was close on his heels, but neither got to the office before an explosion of blue light sucked the breath from their bodies. They heard people in the living room falling to the fall and few grunts of pain throughout the house. Will had turned on his heel and was heading towards the sounds of pain.

Running into the office, Angel stopped suddenly, frozen in horror. Wes was sitting at his desk, a picture of Connor in front of him. Wesley was crying.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Wesley felt the rush of air as he flew through the air. The breath was knocked violently from his body as he hit the floor. Before he could put up much a fight, he was being lifted by his shirt collar, a very angry Angel screaming at him in the process.

"Do you know what you've done? Do you have any idea?" Shaking Wesley, Angel threw him again.

He wanted to beat the living hell out of Wesley. The man had stolen his son, screwed up the life of his own wife and child beyond belief and stolen back the memories Angel had sacrificed so much to see locked away forever.

His hand was caught in mid air before his fist could connect with Wesley's head. Turning, he caught Will's arm and pivoted, effectively slamming the other man's hip into the desk. Will winced, but didn't let go of Angel's arm. Instead, he pulled Angel violently, bringing the man closer to him before shoving with all his might. He watched as Angel flew through the window and landed on the lawn.

Will knew he had to get Angel away from Wes. Will wanted to kill Wesley too, and it wasn't his son that the man had stolen. Leaping through the gaping hole in the window, glass flew around him, shards embedding themselves into his skin. There was no time to think about that, Angel's hands were connecting with his organs.

Throwing a punch into Will's liver, he coiled his right leg and unleashed a volley of kicks at the other man's head. Will's head snapped back and his nose started bleeding, but he was still standing.

Spinning, Will leapt into the air and caught Angel on the side of his head with his foot. Even though he was stunned, Angel still reached up and grabbed Will's ankle. Spinning him, Angel let go, letting Will's momentum take him hard into the ground.

Will was on his feet before Angel reached him. They exchanged lightning quick blows that most humans would only recognize as a blur of arms and legs. Angel broke the stalemate with a vicious hit to Will's temple. He watched as Will hit the ground.

Before Angel could advance any more, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He spun and caught his action just in time. Buffy was staring at him. Her eyes were flashing emotions quicker than Angel could name them. He unclenched his fist and put his arm down. There was no use fighting now.

Dejectedly, he stepped through the broken window and looked at Wesley, who was sitting on the floor, his head in his hands.

"I didn't mean…" He couldn't finish a thought, and he definitely could not finish a statement.

Dawn was staring at the scene, shock all over her features. Xander and Fred were behind her. Fred was still holding Allyson, but she looked pale and as if she was about to be sick. None of them broke the silence for what seemed like a long time.

Looking Angel straight in the eye, Fred lifted her chin in a defiant gesture. "You bastard." Turning on her heel, she was storming out of the room before Angel could react.

His legs felt like lead and he could feel blood trickling down his forehead and into his left eye. His ribs were bruised and his shins ached from blocking a few kicks at odd angles. He was going to be sore for a few days.

Buffy climbed back through the window, Will close behind her. He looked a little worse than Angel, but he hadn't been fighting with the same ferocity. Will opened his mouth to speak, but Buffy beat him to it.

"We need to have a meeting. Now."

Angel nodded ascent once and then disappeared into the hallway. He was in the bathroom before anyone could follow him. He dug the heel of his hands into his eyes, fighting back the tears that had threatened him for so long. He would not cry now, he vowed. Looking at the medicine cabinet, he reached for an object he had not used in some time.

The relief was immediate, as always, but not as intense as it usually was. He made another line, below the first one. The pain focused him again, as the lines of blood running down his arm brought him back to reality with a sharp jolt. Cleaning his head wound quickly, he slapped a bandage on all the bleeding wounds he could see.

When he came into the living room, Fred and the baby were no where in site. The car seat was gone too. Xander was pacing, agitation clear on his face. Will had managed to get Wesley into the living room and seated on a couch, but he doubted the man would be able to complete a sentence that made sense any time soon.

Dawn dabbed a cloth on Will's temple. There was a purple pocket of blood under the open wound and he clenched his teeth and grunted while she pushed some of the blood out. He wasn't happy. He just couldn't decide who he was angrier at. Wes had started a lot of problems, but Angel seemed to have a knack for finishing them. He was, most of all, though, mad he hadn't already dealt with the Connor situation. He knew with certainty he could have prevented all this if he had admitted his knowledge to Angel and forced him to at least tell Buffy.

As it was, they now had multiple crises to deal with. Angel was in deep shit with Fred, and probably Gunn if he remembered. Wesley was close to insane, and Fred and Allie were missing. He clenched his teeth in frustration.

Buffy glared at Angel. She was carefully controlling her anger, because since that blue light had hit her, baby had started doing kung fun inside her. She didn't want to upset baby any more. When she spoke, it was with a forced calm. "Explain."

Taking a shaky breath, he dragged his hand through his hair, which was still stiff and tainted green with demon blood. This was not a good day for him, he thought. "I…had a son. With Darla." He avoided Buffy's eyes while he said the last part.

"When Connor was a few months old, we received this prophecy. Wes interrupted it. He didn't tell anyone what he found. The prophecy said 'the father will kill the son.' We found out later Wolfram and Hart had designed it. A man whose family I killed as Angeles was brought back by Wolfram and Hart for the sole purpose of killing me. Instead, he stole my son. Connor was raised in a hell dimension, and came back a few months later as a teenager…time passes differently in hell.

Connor…was okay for a while, but…he was unstable most of the time. He…well, I had a choice. Kill him, or erase his memories and give him new ones. Wolfram and Hart offered the presidency of the company in exchange for giving Connor a new life and erasing him from existence, as far as anyone but me knew. I took that deal."

His head snapped up to look at Wesley with sudden understanding. A man would do anything for his child. He understood Wesley a little better in that moment.

His thoughts were interrupted by Dawn's voice. "That's…awful. Oh my God." She sat heavily, holding her stomach to keep from being sick. A lot of things about Angel suddenly made more sense. She couldn't imagine what she would have done in his position. Erasing memories was a huge overstepping of boundaries, as far she was concerned, but he had done it to save his son. That was a choice she would not want to have to make.

Before anyone else could react, they heard the front door fly open and an irate Gunn was storming into the room.

"What the fuck! Someone explain to me what just happened!"

"I opened Pandora's box." Everyone's head snapped to look at Wesley. He was still staring at the floor. He remembered everything, the prophecy, his fear, his throat being slit, Angel trying to kill him, Connor sinking Angel to the bottom of the ocean for a summer. It was all flying around in his brain, scrambling his thoughts.

"I…thought you were going to kill him. I thought I was doing to right thing. I didn't think it would happen that way. I just…it shouldn't have happened that way."

The anger in the room was slowly turning into grief. Wes's pain was palpable and contagious. Buffy suddenly felt faint. She excused herself, motioning for Angel to stay where he was, as she made her way upstairs and into bed.

Gunn joined Xander in pacing the room. Gunn's head was swimming. He couldn't quite get everything straight yet, but he had the gist of things.

"Okay," Dawn stood, "we need to stop this. Connor and Angel are secondary to Narsesim and Allyson. Does anyone want to know what I found?"

There was silence for a few minutes, but everyone seemed to recover enough to go into the library. There would time to sort all that out later, was the mutual consensus. There were more pressing things at hand.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Fred was trying to keep herself together. Who had she married? She realized she had been sleeping with a stranger. Looking in the rearview mirror, she watched her sleeping infant in the back seat for a split second before returning her attention to the road.

She remembered Connor as a baby. He had been so cute. He had been the light of Angel's life, she thought. Connor was the lifeline that tethered him to humanity more so than any other person. When he had lost his son, when Wesley had stolen him, and then lost him to Holtz, she corrected herself, he had gone off the deep end. She had been so scared in those days. When she watched Gunn and half a dozen orderlies drag Angel away from Wesley's prone form and down the hall, she had felt her soul shake. The pain in his screams had been almost unbearable to hear.

And now, Wesley had made a deal with the devil. He hadn't meant to, but that was how it seemed it was going to work out. She was almost across the city, and the traffic was getting lighter as the day wore on. She could be out of California reasonably fast, she thought.

Getting her and her daughter to safety were the only things on her mind. They were the last things on her mind, as she stopped at a red light, and unconsciousness hit her like a sledgehammer.

When she was able to open her eyes again, it was dark. The room was dry and warm and dark. The floors felt tiled, but there were no seems. As she picked herself up and examined the walls to keep from panicking entirely, she found that were no seems anywhere. This was not a room made by the hands of men.

That was when she panicked. Her breath quickened, and before she could stop herself, she was throwing her fists into the wall with all her might, screaming at the top of her lungs while she did so.

The lights blinded her when they came on. It took her second to realize the lights didn't come on, there were no lights in the ceiling. The light was created by the man now standing in front of her. She lunged at him with all her might. She hit the ground hard and turned to realize that she had gone right through him.

"That won't work, I'm afraid. Behave now or I'll have to kill you."

She sat silently for a few minutes trying to get her breathing under control, and then stood slowly and looked at this man in front of her.

He was wearing dark blue robes. His hair was stringy and a dingy brownish color. The skin she could see on his face and hands was a gray, flaking skin. He looked like he was halfway through decomposing. His eyes were almost falling from their sockets, and yet they held a level of intelligence there that scared her. His was not a benevolent intelligence.

"Be quiet now. Do not make me have to hurt you."

Sensing he was about to disappear, she jumped to speak. "Where is my baby? Is she okay?"

"She is for now. Her purpose is of great importance; she will soon help to bring the true one into this world. Do not worry; you will have the highest honor, being the mother to the bringer of the lord of this dimension."

Before she could speak again, he was gone and it was dark again. She fell to the floor, racking sobs shaking her body. She beat her fists on the floor, begging whatever powers would listen to protect her baby.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Narsesim is a hell god who feeds on innocence. That's why he needs child sacrifices to get him into this dimension. The cult Xander uncovered had already killed two children. I imagine he's already half way through; he may just need a few more sacrifices to get him into this world.

Once that happens, we're screwed. From what I could find, and there isn't much, all livestock and plants die the minute he looks at them. His touch is death, and he's strong. Very strong. We need to find where this cult is and take them down before they make another sacrifice."

Xander looked at Angel, his features stony. "Why were you and Will so worried about Fred and the baby? What does Wesley have to do with this? Explain it like I'm a five year old."

Wesley was the one that answered. Dragging himself to his feet, he leaned against a bookcase. Staring into the wood, he tried to keep his mind from exploding. "Fred couldn't carry a baby to term. I didn't tell her and I forbid the doctors from doing so either. She miscarried twice. I….she wanted sbadly to be a mother. I thought I could help. I asked the Mahagano sisters to sustain the baby, to put a protective shield around her. It worked, and Allyson was born. I didn't think…"

Dawn was on her feet and screaming before he could finish. "Damn right you didn't think! You could have adopted, found a surrogate mother, anything but what you did! There's a balance of life, and you fucked with it! You can't bring a life into this world with magic and not expect some kind of recompense!"

His eyes were fiery, all traces of weakness and confusion gone. "You didn't sit with her in that hospital room! You didn't find her, sobbing in the bathroom, covered with blood! The look in her eyes, the pleading! None of you know what it's like to watch the woman you love grieve and beg for something you know she can never have! I would do it all over again, because I love Fred and I love my daughter!" The heaving of his chest decreased as he spoke next. "I love my daughter. I can't regret her life."

"You do anything for your children. Anything. Compromising morals, making deals with the devil, it means nothing when it's your kid." Angel's eyes bore into Wesley's, trying to convey his understanding, his shared pain. Wesley seemed to soften at Angel's look.

Taking a deep breath, Gunn tried to take all he was hearing in. His brain felt overloaded. "So…why do they want Allie? I mean, of all the babies in the world, why her?"

Dawn immediately connected the dots that Will, Wes, and Angel had within the last few days or hours. "She's mystical. There are trace elements of the magic that created her…"

Wes cut through the air like a knife with his tone. "We created her. After the first six weeks, when I was sure the embryo was there, then the witches protected her. She was not created from magic, she was sustained by it."

Shaking her head, Dawn continued. "That doesn't matter, Wes. She has traces of magic in her. The same way I'll never be totally human, neither will she. A being created or sustained by magic will always have magic in their veins. She isn't just pure, she's a powerful pure. Her blood will open that portal faster than anyone else's."

Wes went pale as Dawn spoke. Until that moment, he had been fighting off mental images of his daughter as a sacrifice. Now, the reality of that hit him hard. He was inches from the ground when Angel caught him. He felt himself being repositioned on a couch, his head on his knees. His daughter was going to die. He had killed her. There was a garbage can already under him as he retched into it.

Angel turned on his heel and went out into the garden. He thought it would be better to yell outside. Screaming towards the sky, he begged for a sign, a clue, anything that could save an innocent child. He knew the followers weren't going to waste much time putting Allie on the chopping block. They had no idea where Fred was. Dawn had tried a locating spell, but it was as if Fred had dropped off the planet.

Silently, he begged Cordy to hear him. He pleaded with her to save the child of their friend. He didn't want anyone to go through what he had gone through when Connor had been taken from him. No one should ever deal with the death of a child, he told her. Please, Cordy, he thought, plead my case with the powers.

Just when he thought he should go back inside, he was on the ground. Gripping his head, he lost the ability to breathe. Visions of Fred, of Allie, flashed through his brain. He let out an anguished scream as he felt Fred's pain course through him. She was in emotionally agony, and for a few intense seconds, so was he.

He was almost on his knees when he felt Buffy helping him up. She called his name a few times, and it took a few minutes for him to answer her.

"I know where they are."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Willow had spent all day sitting at her desk, reviewing the files of the slayers that had just been accepted into the American Academy of Slayers. The headmaster position was still unfilled, Faith had proven to be a hard sell on the idea. Sighing, she shifted in her seat and moved onto the next girl's file. They were all special, and they all had great potential, but they were all untrained and inexperienced. That needed to change.

It was nearly midnight in Nice. The stars were out, though they were a little difficult to see through the clouds, but Willow stared into them all the same. There was comfort in something so vast, she thought.

Grasping her head in sudden pain, she almost fell out of her chair when she felt a powerful push on her mind. She gasped as she opened the link between her and Buffy, something she had not done in many years. The pleading of her friend immediately made her rise.

Without having to think about what she was doing, she raised her hands and a wind rose around her. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on where Buffy was and pushed. She pushed through the folds of space, forcing them to bend to her will. Space folded in on her and she felt herself suffocate for a moment as light and matter and all of creation flashed before her. Her head swam and her vision blurred as space itself shook.

With one final shove, time and space warped around her. The whole process had taken seconds to complete. Opening her eyes, she saw Buffy in front of her.

Angel, Dawn, Will, Wesley, Xander and Gunn were there too. By the looks of it, they had just arrived where ever it was they were. Angel explained the situation as they walked. Jogged, she corrected herself. They were headed into the middle of an open field, but she could feel what was concealed here.

Putting her hands straight in front of her, she called on powers she had been too afraid to use for a very long time. When the lives of her friend and her friends' child were at stake, though, she told herself her fears could not matter.

A shimmer of a wall appeared. Willow's hair was turned darker she pulled the fabric of the cloaking spell apart. Xander swallowed hard, stepping towards her, ready to stop this whole thing if he needed to. He didn't need to. They were inside whatever complex had been hidden before anyone had seen the complex appear. Willow's hair was back to normal and she was moving.

They were all very well armed. Other than Willow. It had taken them precious time Angel did not think they had to get to this place. Angel cocked his head to the side, hearing a cry he recognized immediately. He took off as fast as his legs would carry him. He felt the ground disappear from beneath his feet before he saw the ground end.

As he flipped in mid air he took stalk of the room, if it could be called that. It was circular and dug thirty feet in the ground. The diameter of the room was nearly fifty feet, and in the middle was an alter with a screaming Allyson on it. This was all imprinted on his mind in the few seconds it took for his body to fall to the ground.

He landed on his feet, the ground shaking a little bit. Running at full tilt, he leapt into the air and used his bare hands to rip off the head of the first follower he could get to. Reaching out with all the power he had in his arms and back, he drove his fist into the chest of another and ripped his heart out. The followers' broken ribs cut Angel's knuckles as he pulled his hand back.

Throwing all his weight into a flying kick, he decapitated a follower with his foot. Another one fell to a punch to his head, which Angel barely registered as collapsing his skull. He paid no attention to any hits that connected with him or the fact that the cut above his eye had opened again. There was nothing on his mind other than getting to the baby in the middle of the room.

Will looked down into the pit of a room and watched Angel for a second or two. He wasn't going to leave Buffy to help his friend. She had been the only one that could connect with Willow fast enough, and therefore had to come with them. That didn't mean Will was going to let her get into any fights.

Willow lifted them all into the air, carrying them a few feet forward and then down, setting them all on the ground. Wesley wasted no time in running towards where the fight was, Xander, Gunn and Dawn close on his heels.

Willow led the rest of them. She could feel where Fred was. The magics holding her hostage were strong, and were controlled by someone Willow could feel would not give up easily. His energy was radiating throughout this underground complex, and it was a little suffocating to Willow. She hadn't felt power that strong in some time.

She stopped short just before a wave of green light sent her flying ten feet back in the corridor. Will was moving forward before he could stop to think. His hands reached for the demon in front of him and were quickly deflected. Will looked up just in time to see him land on the ground a few feet beyond her. Standing, energy crackling around her, Willow started opening her mind to the power she kept stored within her.

Willow wasn't on the ground long. She levitated herself into the air and stayed there as she hit the warlock with a powerful energy. He didn't seem phased. Seeing this, she closed her eyes, tapping into energies she had long gone without using. She gasped as her head fell back and her chest lifted towards the ceiling. With a sudden and sharp intake of breathe, she was refocused.

Her hair was its normal color, but here eyes were jet black. The warlock in front of her was now throwing every spell he could think of at her, trying to force her back. The waves and blasts of energy rolled away from Willow like smoke. Lifting her hands a few inches, she released a slow breath.

The warlock screamed in pain as he slowly fell to the ground. He writhed in agony, his feet and legs turning into a puddle of discolored ooze. The magic Willow commanded climbed up his body until his screams were silenced. The only thing left of him was a shimmering gelatinous substance.

It took Willow a few moments to put herself back on the ground. The energy she commanded crackled around her, making her skin tingle. After composing herself, she moved forward again. His spell keeping Fred imprisoned would wear off in time, but she could feel Fred's pain, and knew they could not leave her locked away any longer than necessary.

Punching through an invisible wall, Willow used her hands to tear a hole large enough for Fred to escape through. Fred barely gave herself time to crawl all the way out of the hole Willow provided for her before she was off and running.

Will ran by her side, knowing Willow could take care of Buffy if need be. When they reached the sacrificing room, the fight looked like it had jut started. Fifty followers surrounded Angel, Wesley, Dawn and Xander. Before Will could reach the group, Angel had grabbed Allyson and jumped. He leapt over the heads of the blood thirsty followers, landing far enough away to give the others some breathing room.

Not having to worry about protecting the baby let them unleash their anger in full. Will was in the midst of the fight before Wesley had noticed he was in the room. Wesley was swinging a sword as if it were part of his own arm. Allowing all his rage, all his regrets to flow from his body, he barely saw any of the beings he was killing. If they were demon or human was of no matter to him. He was going to kill them all anyway.

Will's head hurt. His right temple was still throbbing, and he knew it had opened back up was bleeding. Glad to have a warm up before the main event, he thought. A battle axe was coming towards him, and he dodged at the last second, catching the very corner of the blade in his shoulder. An involuntary sound of pain escaped him, but he didn't let the pain stop him from ripping the arm holding the axe out of the shoulder of the person it belonged to. He hated being hit with axes.

Having one eye wasn't much of a problem most of time. At this moment, Xander was wishing he had a second one. He had taken a few good hits, but he had killed almost half a dozen followers. These people were worshippers, and had certainly been prepared to fight, but didn't have the experience to match their opponents. Xander doubted that all of these guys put together could match the battle time any one of his friends had seen. He knew experience would win out in this battle. He was confident of their victory until a sound from across the room shook him to the core of his being.

Dawn was having a good time. She was sore, her ribs were a little bruised, and a cut at the top of one thigh was throbbing. Despite her discomfort, the adrenaline pumping through her veins made her surge forward, taking the lives of as many as she could. She was sure they were going to get out of the fight relatively unharmed until she heard a blood curdling scream a few dozen feet away.

Gunn was swinging with all his might. The two short swords he was using were cutting a swath through these beings in silly looking robes, but he didn't think he was gaining much headway. They seemed to just keep coming. It had been a long time since he had been able to fight with all his might, though, so he was almost glad for the challenge. Those thoughts vanished when an agonized scream met his ears.

Angel had given Allie to her mom and was now standing in between them and a dozen followers. These guys just keep coming, he thought. He was trying to figure out where they kept appearing from as he broke the neck of one and drove his hand into the nose of another. He could only see one hallway, and he knew they were coming from there. His thoughts were interrupted as a scream pierced his ears.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Willow and Buffy made their way toward the battle at a steady but slowed pace. Buffy was feeling strong, but she knew she could not engage in battle. Her movements were severely hindered, and her fears for her baby were outweighing the battle cry rushing within her veins.

Willow was keeping a close vigil on the slayer. Looking around the huge room now filled with carnage, she realized that the number of followers they were fighting weren't changing. All the men in long blue robes with hoods permanently pulled over their faces were dying, but more seemed to swell from the ranks and come forward.

Closing her eyes, she tried locate the source of the power pulling these creatures forth, and gasped when the tendrils of her mind touched an evil that made her shudder and immediately pull her mind back. Narsesim was there. He was sending followers from his dimension into this one. The robe clad demons weren't moving much from where they were, because their closed ranks prevented anyone from seeing the small portal opened in the ground.

She was about to reach out with her mind again and try to close that portal when she heard a scream. Her heart wrenched.

Buffy could see Willow was concentrating. The witch had found something. Putting her hand on her belly to try and still the ferocious kicking her baby was engaged in, she felt a presence behind her. Spinning, she was just a second to slow. A short dagger was in the stomach before she could stop the hand that held it.

She didn't realize she was the screaming for a few moments. Pressing her hands to the bleeding wound in her stomach, she screamed again as the ground shook. Blood pooled around her, and she could see the ground in front of her starting to crack open. Her mind raced to think of something to do, but her panic for her baby overrode all else.

Willow's heart stopped when she saw Buffy collapse to the ground. It took her half a second to strip the skin from the demon who had stabbed her friend, and another half a second to reach Buffy. Helping her onto her feet, she could hear Angel screaming behind her. He sounded desperate to get away from whatever fight he was in, but Willow doubted that would happen soon.

Narsesim was a few moments away from entering their dimension. Fear made Willow's arms weak as she helped her friend up and to lean against the wall. The baby's blood. The baby inside Buffy had brought the demon into the world. Willow lifted herself and Buffy into the air; she knew she had to get Buffy out of there before she lost any more blood.

Willow was frightened of the blood loss, but she was also frightened at what that blood was bringing into the world. It only took a few moments for Willow to teleport them out of the complex, cursing herself all the time. She should have never let Buffy go in there.

Pulling off her shirt, she pressed it to the wound in Buffy's body. She was crying, near hysterical, but Willow had to leave. The world was in danger. Again.

As Willow reentered the underground fortress, she could hear the battle raging. Only this time, the sound undercutting it was a roaring. Hell was opening.

Angel looked as Willow lifted his lover and unborn child away. It didn't take him long to put away the fear and bring out his hatred. Letting all the memories of feelings he had from his own demon, he released the little parts of Angeles he still kept hidden inside. The demon was dead, locked away forever, but Angel and Angeles had been one for so long, he could never fully remove all the parts of the demon from himself.

His efforts doubled. He could feel the portal to hell opening wider, and he could now see it in the midst of the followers. Calling to Will, he waited just a fraction of a second for the other man to leap towards Angel. Will seemed to know what Angel was thinking, and took over protecting Fred and Allie, though the followers were now a lot less interested in them.

Angel made his way to the portal over the heads of the demons, using their shoulders and skulls as stepping stones. When he was in the middle of the throng, he saw the opening. The ground was quaking, and there was a rush of wind from the portal. Angel could see that the hell god was struggling. The blood letting had happened too far from the site of the opening. At that thought, his anger rose, and he became as much of his demon as he could without actually having Angeles still in him.

He could hear people calling to him. He heard Xander screaming for him, he heard the fear in Dawn's voice. None of it mattered. He dove through the portal, briefly wondering if someone going the other way would cancel out the power of the opening and force it to close. Knowing full well this may happen, and that he could be trapped forever, he told himself it would be worth it if he killed the hell god that had caused his child to be endangered.

Narsesim was huge. Standing at over eight feet, he looked like a hell god. His skin was gnarled, uneven blackness. He didn't seem to have any armor on, or clothing, but Angel doubted he needed either.

The former vampire felt no fear when the hell god rushed towards him. Diving out of the way at the last second, he turned towards the demon, a plan unfolding in his mind at breakneck speed. This hell god fed on innocence, Angel remembered, and Dawn said his touch was death. That was all Angel had to know.

Tearing his shirt off to expose more skin, he launched himself into the air. The hell god caught him by the shoulders and Angel let out a scream. Narsesim's touch was excruciating. Ruthlessly, he pulled his mind into focus and called up every memory of every fiendish thing he had ever done. He focused on the grisliest of murders, the most horrible of actions. He made sure he was the very antithesis of innocence, and focused on channeling that into Narsesim.

Soon, his own screams were met by the demon holding him and he felt himself drop to the ground. Focusing his eyes as best he could through the pain, he saw the demon clutching his chest. Narsesim howled so loud Angel thought his ear drums would burst.

At that moment, he felt a pull. It was similar to the pull he felt when he was away from Buffy, but this was stronger. This was exponentially more powerful. His breath caught as he felt himself being ripped through the fabric of dimensions. When he could breathe again, he was on the ground in the middle of a still raging battle. Willow was standing over him.

She didn't pay him much attention. Turning around, she focused her energy and turned twenty or so followers into dust. The portal was closed, and she doubted it would be opened for a while. From the short time she had felt around with her mind, she had felt that the hell god was much less powerful than he had been moments ago.

Angel didn't get up. His breath was coming in short and painful bursts. He couldn't focus his eyes for long, but when he did he could see that the skin on both shoulders where the hell god had held him was charred. Pain radiated down his arms and back and chest. Red streaks traveled down his chest from the center of his burned flesh. His head was swimming in pain.

When the last follower fell, all eyes went to Angel. And thoughts went to Buffy. Willow lifted them all and they were speeding to the outside. Buffy was still sitting in the car, but she looked much calmer than when Willow had left her there.

Her eyes looked like they were going to come out of here head when she saw Angel. She was out of the car and by his side before anyone could protest. Her stomach had stopped bleeding minutes before they had arrived.

"Angel? Angel, talk to me." Putting her ear to his lips, she heard his breath and the whisper of her name and nothing else.

She was being lifted from the ground, and Will was lifting Angel in his arms. They were bundled into cars and speeding towards Wolfram and Hart before she could respond to her Angel.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

He didn't want to be here. He wanted to go home and comfort Buffy. When his mind cleared again, he realized Buffy was probably in one of the med-lab rooms as well. That realization really made him want to go to her. When he tried to move, though, a hand was on his forehead and someone was saying something calming to him.

He lay back down and let his mind clear a little. When he could see straight again, he looked around the room he was in. Will was sitting in a chair next to his bedside.

"Hey Peaches. Good to see you."

"Buffy?" He tried to get up again, and Will stood menacingly. Angel weighed his chances of taking him in a fight and leaned back again.

"Buffy's fine. While you were getting pumped full of antibiotics she was having an ultrasound. Gotta' tell you, Angel, that's one heck of a kid." Sitting back down, he crossed his arms and took stock of the bandages covering most of Angel's upper torso.

The doctors had said that the hell god's hands burned and injected a poison at the same time. If Angel had been anything other than a hybrid or perhaps a slayer, he would have been dead soon after Narsesim had touched him. The doctors said he would recover; his body had already produced antibodies to the poison.

Fear quickly played across his features, "What do you mean? What's wrong with my baby?"

"The baby healed. We think he was stabbed when Buffy was, but the knife was short. It hit mostly amniotic fluid. The baby healed, along with the sack-thing it's in, which I don't really understand. And, he helped Buffy heal too. She doesn't even have a mark."

Angel had leapt from the bed before Will could grab him and was out the door. His pants were still on, which was good because he hadn't really thought to check. When he got down the hall, he was greeted by Buffy sitting on the edge of a bed surrounded by the majority of their friends and adopted family.

She jumped to hug him, but her movements were hampered by the beach ball she carried on her stomach. She paused as she stepped towards him. He didn't look good. He was bandaged around his chest and shoulders. There were butterfly bandages on the cut above his eye and multiple cuts and bruises over the skin she could see.

All of her thoughts about the state of his health were pushed aside when he grabbed her arms and kissed her fiercely. She stopped herself from trying to wrap her arms around him and just kissed back. When he pulled away, she could see the relief washing over his features. Before he could speak, she held up a hand.

"Will knows the sex of the baby and I'm sure he told you. I still don't want to know."

Will had used the word 'he,' Angel finally realized. The knowledge that he was having a son sunk through into this brain, and he had to process that for a moment before he could speak again. "I won't. You're okay?"

"I'm okay. Baby's okay. You're…almost okay." She smiled and rubbed his arm, seeing the worry still apparent on his face.

Everyone else was quiet. Willow had been speechless when they had been told Buffy's baby had helped her heal. That was out of this world, she thought. Angel and Buffy had created a super-person that was saving lives before he had even been born.

The doctors had expressed their desire to do a battery of tests on the slayer and her unborn baby, but Buffy had flatly refused. She wasn't sure she wanted to know that anything could be strange about the baby she was carrying. Her child was a miracle, she thought. This baby was the miracle that had kept her alive. She didn't want to dissect how that had happened.

If her baby had some sort of special powers neither she nor Angel possessed, everyone would have to wait to find out. She was not going to be a vessel for some science project. The link she felt between her and the person inside her seemed to nudge at the edge of her consciousness. There was something different about her baby; she knew that. For the time being, though, she decided that would be between her and the child she carried.

Fred, Wesley and Allie were not present. They had gone home with the explicit directions to have Angel call them when he woke up. They wanted to talk about Connor, they said. Gunn had agreed with that idea one hundred percent.

Angel didn't know if he was up to talking about Connor. He hadn't slept in over thirty six hours and he felt like someone had dipped him in an active lava pit. He also accepted that he might not have a choice but to be confronted in a few hours.

He still had a disgusting green substance in his hair, he had never had a chance to shower, but now it was worsened with the blood of those demon followers, he was sure. His hands were still covered in dried blood, though it looked like the nurses had tried to clean him up.

He wanted to go home, peal his bandages off and get in the shower. And he wanted to stay in the shower for a few hours. He hadn't felt this grimy since the eighties. Expressing his willingness to talk about Connor after he had a chance to clean up, the group broke up. After a few blatant threats, the doctors moved out of his way and they were able to leave. There was no way he was going to stay there, he told himself.

Slipping a shirt on was going to be difficult, so he opted for a button down Will had retrieved from his closet in his office. The plan was made for everyone to go to their respective homes and get cleaned up and to meet in the morning, after they had slept and cleared their heads. Will had called Wesley to inform him of the plan.

Angel couldn't drive because he couldn't lift his arms enough to do so. Buffy couldn't move the seat far enough back to fit her belly in front of the steering wheel comfortably. Will agreed to drive them home. He politely refused the offer to clean up and use a guest room. He wanted to go home and crawl into his own bed.

Buffy and Angel dragged themselves upstairs. She helped him remove the bandages and winced at the charred flesh. It wasn't a burn in the true sense of the word; it was a blackening of the top few layers of skin. The doctors had called it a very dark colored second degree burn. It was odd, but the magic behind it wasn't really understood, so she accepted it for what it was.

He stayed in the shower a long time. There were bits of flesh and innards stuck under his nails, and he had to shampoo his hair three times to get all of the dried body fluids from his head. He stayed under the spray a few more minutes, until he thought he would fall asleep standing up, and then dragged himself out of the bathroom.

Buffy wasted no time getting in the shower. She had rinsed her belly before the ultrasound, but there was still dried blood in places. She wanted to forget that had ever happened. She wanted to give birth to her baby, to hold and sing to her child. She knew before she could fully move on, though, she had to understand Angel's first child.

Before anyone else arrived in the morning, they were going to have a long talk.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

The adrenaline was starting to fade away by the time she parked the car. Her hands had been shaking since she had sat with her sister, holding her hand while they watched the baby move on the ultrasound screen. Buffy had been elated when they started to hear the heart beat.

Dawn couldn't believe Buffy had been healed by the time they reached Wolfram and Hart. Finding out what happened, the doctors had wanted to do an emergency Cesarean to remove the baby, but Buffy had threatened them all with death if they tried to do that. She said she could feel that her baby was okay. Buffy had known she and her child were alright without anyone having to confirm that. Even so, Buffy had welcomed the ultrasound, and Dawn had been on the edge of her seat watching her nephew. The doctor hadn't said the sex of the baby out loud, but she asked him outside the room.

Now, she sat in her car, getting ready to go in to the apartment building. She felt at the edge of her rope, her emotions were frayed. She needed to calm down and this was the best way she could think of at the moment.

That was why, when Will opened the door to his apartment, Dawn was in his living room. He froze to the spot, wondering how she had gotten in and what she was doing there. His brain stopped working when he realized her hair was wet and she was in nothing but a towel.

Dawn had discarded the idea of being friends first and then seducing him. She wanted to skip to the last part, now. Standing, she walked to where he was frozen in front of the threshold and closed the still open door. Stepping a few feet away from him, she gave him a positively wanton stare as she dropped the towel.

Will felt his mind moving but was at a loss of how to make what he was seeing stop. He hadn't slept in days, since he had followed Wesley to he suburbs, he realized. He was dirty and physically and emotionally exhausted. And completely turned on.

No, he told himself, he had baby sat this girl. He reminded himself that he had previously had sex with the sister of the woman trying to seduce him. Dawn has breasts, his mind recognized. They were staring at him, which made it kind of hard not to notice that, but it had taken him a few seconds.

She was walking towards him before he could move. Her lips were on his and her legs were wrapped around his waist before he registered what was happening. Instinct took over, his mind was too exhausted to continue functioning, and he moved into the bedroom, kissing and groping her all the while.

She moaned into him as he rose to take his shirt off. Grabbing at his arms and back, he pulled him to her and kissed him until she was short of breath. Grabbing his dark hair, she guided his head down her body.

His pants had disappeared some time ago, though he couldn't remember taking them off. He was making love to a woman he had known as a girl for so long, he couldn't quite believe who was under him and then on top of him. She was beautiful, his mind said. This is wrong, his heart answered back.

In the end, both his mind and heart were overridden by his body. The stress he kept locked up for so long was finally released as their love making turned more desperate. Lifting her in the air, he repositioned her to his will. She was lost in immense pleasure, floating on a sea of amazing feelings.

He made her body feel like no one else ever had, and her heart responded to the words he whispered in her ear. He said she was beautiful, he told her how wonderful she made his body feel. She responded in kind, driving him on with her words and her body. She was so used to being in control during sex; she found it refreshing, exciting, to give that control to someone else.

Will growled in her ear, the remnants of the animal he had been surfacing briefly. She was flipping their bodies, climbing on top. He controlled her hips with her hands, lifted her in the air with the strength of his arms before bringing her back down.

They continued for what seemed like hours. Lying in his arms after they were spent, she felt something she couldn't name. An emotion was building in her chest and she wasn't sure she would be able describe it if someone asked her to. She felt joy, elation, release, satisfaction, and something else entirely.

Will's mind jumped back into gear. They were naked. In his bed. He was naked in his bed with Dawn. He almost leapt from the sheets. Years of self control made his movements seem planned. He disappeared into the bathroom and got into the shower, scrubbing hard at the grime that seemed to cover him.

What had he done, he asked himself. This was the kid sidekick of the slayer, the whining bratty little sister that he showed a good time to sometimes. She was a beautiful, intelligent woman with a heart of gold and nerves of steel. She was a curvy, good in bed, woman with a sense of humor who wasn't afraid to challenge him.

He smacked himself as his thoughts drifted to her ample talents that had just been displayed for him. He couldn't do this again, he thought. He would tell her it was mistake. Pausing, he was surprised at the pain he felt with that idea.

Stepping out of the shower, he toweled off and wrapped a towel around his waist. Gathering his courage, he opened the bathroom door and lost the ability to breathe and think.

She was on her stomach, slightly pivoted on her hip with her face to the bathroom door. Her long brown hair was lying on her back and framing her face. The long lines of her body spoke to her time on the battle field and her dedication to training. The muscles of her stomach and legs were well defined but still feminine. The softness of her curves melted into toned muscles. Her skin glowed in the soft moon light coming through the windows. She looked ethereal.

She raised herself on her elbow, unashamed of her nakedness. Smiling a thin smile, she flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Come back to bed."

Her young form embodied a maturity and confidence he could not fathom. What had happened to the young and whining girl who had bemoaned her creation? This was not that girl. This was a woman sure of her magnificence, and aware of her own power. He wasn't sure he was going to have a relationship with the creature in front of him, but he was sure he was quickly becoming infatuated.

They made love again. He second time was slower, more personal. They explored each other with casual intrigue and aimed to please with intensity. When they lay in each others arms again, content to say nothing to fill the silence, Dawn realized she was, at the least, in lust with this man.

She felt contented and safe in a way she had never before. She was pleased to stay like this forever, she realized. A small part of her whispered that she could.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Fred put Allyson in her crib. The infant had ceased her crying and settled down long before Fred had felt any kind of calm. The baby did not seem any the worse for wear.

Fred felt like an emotional punching bag. She wondered if their marriage could survive the past day. Remembering everything he had done, and the reasons behind his actions, she found sympathy within her. He was not a bad man, he loved too much and he did not rely on others as he should. Everyone she loved was guilty of those same crimes.

Turning to her husband, she watched him drink in the view before him. The look on his face conveyed all she needed to know. Going to him, she wrapped her arms around him. She could not convince herself that she did not love this man.

"Am I inherently bad?" His voice was a whisper.

She answered him quietly. "We all are. No one is inherently good, if they were, they wouldn't be human."

"I've made so many mistakes."

"Who hasn't?"

They stood in silence for a long time. He wondered if he should leave. If he should go far away, where no one knew him. Perhaps, if he no longer existed, the pain he had caused the people he loved would be lessened. The woman sitting next to him, leaning in the crook of his arm, convinced him he couldn't run away.

"Fred…where do we go from here? How can we move on from…from finding out the last four years were predicated on a lie?"

She took the time to answer his question with the weight it deserved. "Wesley, it's not a lie. The lives we saved, the lives we will save, are not a lie. The people we help are not a lie.

Angel didn't tell us the real reason why he was joining Wolfram and Hart, but he didn't ask us to come along either. We made that choice and that choice was not predicated on a lie. We joined to destroy the beast from the inside out. We did, and we rebuilt it and made it into something good.

I can't miss Connor because I don't know him. I knew a baby and I knew a very dangerous teenager. I don't know who he is today. I can't feel sorry for him, because…I think I would do the same thing for Allyson. If she was in so much pain that the only way to take it away would be to erase everything she had ever known…I would do it.

We will move on. We have never faced anything so bad that we could not move on from it. This will not be set that precedent."

They sat in silence for a while longer. Wesley wanted to respond, but his mind was shutting down. He was so tired, he admitted, that he could no longer think. Sensing this, Fred rose and took his hand. They walked to bed together, hand in hand.

Wesley was not the man who had stolen Connor based on a false prophecy. That was a man from a long time ago, Fred thought. This man is the man I love, the man who would do anything to save those he loves, she thought. This man defends his family to the ends of the Earth.

Wesley wondered if he could repair what he had done. He wondered if Angel would have the family he so wanted. The last thought in Wes's mind as he drifted to sleep was if he could keep the family he had now.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

She sat, exhausted. She had expended more energy with her powers in the past few hours than she had in the past year. Using the connection between Buffy and Angel to pull him from hell had sucked her dry, and she hadn't been able to stop there. Now, she was in her house on the bluffs, listening to the breakers far below. It was her favorite sound, she realized.

It was now the very early hours of the morning, but Cerise had still come when Willow had called her. Looking towards the bedroom, she heard Cerise rustling around in the sheets. Willow had called her lover soon after her return, needing the comfort of human companionship after her trying late night activities. Cerise had been there in mere minutes.

Wondering if she would ever get to see her friends when it was not a dire emergency, she sat down in the living room and sipped her tea. On her desk, under the piles of slayer files, was the letter she had been working on for two weeks. It was the letter that would propose that Wolfram and Hart bear half the responsibility for the American Academy of Slayers.

It had taken months to work up the courage to write it, and it was taking her weeks to phrase it correctly. Giles would balk at it, and he was the one that had to approve it. Her arguments had to be perfect and unimpeachable. Angel would be difficult to convince, but she was sure Buffy would approve. Willow was counting on Buffy being the liaison for the Council and Wolfram and Hart.

It was a partnership Willow could see no way around. Wolfram and Hart was working to create a balance in this dimension, and the Council had the largest army of people who could help in that process at their disposal.

The two organizations were working towards the same conclusion; it seemed ludicrous that they should not do it together. Willow knew that if they could join forces, the Council would have the financial backing they sorely needed and the respect of the demon community in spades.

Wolfram and Hart had been in existence for centuries. They were perhaps the most powerful single entity in their dimension. The Council was still struggling to regain its stature and power. What they lacked in gravitas, they made up for in soldiers. They commanded five hundred slayers, and the number seemed to be growing daily.

The thirteen hundred slayers not affiliated with the Council were starting to consider joining, one by one. They all needed leadership. Willow and Giles had been at a loss as to how to give that leadership to such vast numbers. The watchers they employed were of the caliber Wesley had been when he had been assigned to Faith.

They were too green, too naïve. The Council could not survive if they did not have help. The best form of help Willow could see was Wolfram and Hart. She and Giles had been trying to single handedly lead the Council, but she had begun to realize that they were not keeping their heads above water. Financially, they were fairly secure, but opening a third school was not going to be monetarily easy.

She and Giles knew how they wanted to run their organization, but they didn't quite know how to get to the point where they could run it as they wished. The rebuilding phase was still ongoing, and she wondered how long they could continue without enough capable leaders.

A few of the slayers that had trained with Buffy in Sunnydale were teaching classes and acting as mentors, but Willow had been hard pressed to find instructors for courses that were beyond the kin of those slayers. They themselves were still a little green.

Angel would be able to find people to teach tactics, weaponry, and other courses. They needed experts to teach these new slayers. The Council had only been operational for a little over two years, before that there had been a hodgepodge of small groups that trained together lead by inexperienced fighters and teachers. Giles had tried to unite the slayers, but it had proved difficult.

They were now at a point that they could become successful with the right backing. Willow was sure that they could get that backing if Giles and Angel could come to some kind of agreement. That would be hard, she knew, they still were not on the best of terms. They had forgiven each other for past wrong doing, but only to a certain extent.

Smiling, she looked into the bedroom at a beautiful and naked woman standing in the doorway. Putting her plans aside for the time being, she decided there were better things to do with the rest of the time she could stay awake.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Angel was still tired. He had woken up to Buffy pacing in and out of the bathroom under the premise of showering and dressing. She had showered and dressed much quietly before, and he suspected she just wanted him to wake up.

They would all have to go to work, but before anyone did that, they were meeting at Angel and Buffy's home in the hills. Angel dreaded the coming encounter. Now, he knew he was going to have to talk to Buffy as well, in private. She looked like she was going to be in rare form today.

He rose, exhausted and sore, and dragged himself to the bathroom. Splashing cold water on his face did not have the desired effect of waking him up. It just made his face cold.

Buffy had made coffee, and pushed a mug into Angel's hand before he could greet her. Oh yes, he thought, she is ready to get to it. Indeed, she wasted no time before launching into a verbal tirade on messing with memories and betraying friends' trust.

He let her continue unbridled, sipping his coffee and trying to look half awake and maybe a quarter of the way intelligent. He wondered if he was actually doing either. There were moments he could swear his eye lids closed for longer than a few seconds without him explicitly telling them to so.

She snapped her fingers in front of face, obviously upset he wasn't paying attention. "Are you listening to me? Angel, what you did was so wrong I can't even comprehend it. But…I understand. I think I understand. You need to explain it me. Please."

Taking a deep breath, he started into the story of Connor. He started at the beginning, him trying to lose his soul by sleeping with Darla, and continued through Connor's short life with him. He skimmed over the parts where Connor locked him a steel coffin and sent him to the bottom of the ocean. By the time he reached the part where Connor strapped a bomb to himself and took civilians hostage in a mall, Angel was fairly sure she understood his decision a little better.

She stayed quiet for a while. She wanted to cry for both father and son. Knowing her hormones were making her a little emotional, she stayed quiet for a long time. When she was sure she could control her emotions, she faced Angel again and spoke.

"I get it. He was…he was too damaged. I understand a little better. But…Angel, you can't just erase people when things get hard. I mean, you basically took the most shattering thing to ever happen to you and pretended it didn't. And then you wonder why your friends don't get you."

"I never wondered that. I always knew why they didn't get me."

"Angel! Don't be obtuse! You and Wesley were not okay, and your idea of making it all okay was to erase it from ever happening. What will you two do now? Now that he remembers?"

That gave him pause. He didn't know what to do with Wesley. He understood his actions in relation to Allyson, but he could not bring himself to forgive Wesley for the man's mistakes with Connor. Wesley had screwed up so much…he stopped himself. Gunn had screwed up with Fred, too, resulting in the death of their friend.

They had somehow found a way to forgive Gunn; even Fred didn't hold a grudge. Angel reasoned that they all believed Wolfram and Hart had corrupted Gunn somehow. They had never truly dealt with the idea that Gunn had acted independently of then-evil company.

Angel knew he had made mistakes. He had dealt with Connor poorly, and had regretted that every day of his life since then. He had made mistakes with Kate, with Cordy. Most of all with Buffy. He wondered if he could blame Wes, for doing something stupid but which he thought was right, knowing that he, himself, had made so many glaring mistakes.

The nature of being human, he thought. Even those who weren't technically human. They all made mistakes. Wesley's mistake had cost him his son, though, and he wasn't sure he could get over that, especially now that Wesley knew what had happened.

"Buffy…I don't know what to do with Wesley. I know…he regrets what happened. So do I. I don't know if I can ever get over it, though. I still miss Connor. Every day. How can I get over that now, with everyone knowing?"

"You can't let the fact that your friends remember their own lives stop you from moving on with yours."

"I have moved on!" He stood, his anger rising. "I moved on! You're here, and I'm not a drunk anymore, and the company is doing better than it ever has! I'm moving ahead with my life…"

"And yet, here we are, you still not dealing with the loss of your son. Angel, I can't imagine…" Her hand was on her belly; her thoughts were with her child. The pain she felt was real and very pronounced at the thought of someone taking her baby from her. And she hadn't even really met her baby yet.

She couldn't imagine holding and caring for and loving a child for as long as Angel did only to have him snatched away. She wanted to cry, she wanted to beat Wesley up, but she understood he hadn't meant for it to happen that way.

The doorbell interrupted her thoughts. Smiling at Angel, she assumed it was someone arriving early for their family meeting. When she opened the door, a young man around Dawn's age with mid length brown hair swept out of his face was standing in front of her.

Buffy's jaw dropped.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

He had Darla's eyes, Angel's lips and nose, and a combination of his parents' hair. It was fine and smooth like his mothers' and dark like his fathers'. He was a beautiful young man, Buffy decided. There was a mischievous intelligence in his eyes, and a slight upward curving smirk on his lips. He looked like the kind of man that had a brazen sense of courage but a very sensitive soul. Buffy decided all this in the minute she stared at him in the doorway.

"Is Angel home?" His voice was smoother and lighter than Angel's. It had a tint of mirth to it.

Nodding, she motioned for him to come in and pointed towards the kitchen. She watched as he walked through her home in blue jeans and a Led Zeppelin t-shirt. His frame was thin but he was muscular beneath his slight build.

Angel turned towards the living room in time for him to see his son walk through the foyer and right towards him. He froze, his mind stopped working, and his stomach started to flip flop inside his body. His son was standing in front of him. His adult son, whom he had not seen in almost four years, was standing in his living room.

His voice was dry when it escaped his body. "Connor."

Nodding slowly, Connor took his biological parent in. The man looked a little worse for wear. There was a large cut above one eye; he was wearing a robe that did not hide the dark discolorations of skin on his chest. There were long, thin, cuts on this abdomen, and his lip was split in the middle. Connor noticed lastly the fact that his fathers' heart was beating.

His heart's beating, Connor thought. That can't be right, Angel's a vampire. A vampire standing in a sun filled kitchen slicing fruit. This can't be right, Connor thought.

Angel saw the look of confusion on the young man's face and guessed what had caused it. "I'm human, now."

"I noticed. When did that happen?"

"After the final battle with Wolfram and Hart."

"Good for you."

Their taciturn tendencies made Buffy wonder if the conversation would progress to anything resembling constructiveness. They stood there staring at each other for a long time. They probably wouldn't have moved for a few more minutes if Buffy had not cleared her throat.

"I'm Buffy." Extending her hand, the young man shook it with a grin. The grin widened to a smile as he looked at her. Buffy's eyes narrowed at that look. She did not want to know what he was thinking, she decided. That look could not mean good things.

"Cordy told me about you. She didn't tell me you were this beautiful. And…uh…congratulations."

Angel scowled at the flattery of his girlfriend. His son had turned into Casanova, he reflected wryly. He waited for Connor to turn back to him when Buffy said nothing in return to his compliment. Angel was not going to be the first to speak, he vowed.

Connor had no problem speaking first. "So…make up your mind, why don't you. I mean, you either want me to remember what I was or you don't. Stop fucking around."

"Watch your language."

"Don't tell me to watch my language, I'm not thirteen. Seriously, don't erase my memories again; this yo-yo thing is not healthy."

"You don't seem any worse for it."

Connor took a deep breath. They weren't getting anywhere. He briefly thought about hitting Angel. That had been the plan when he first collapsed in his apartment after a bright blue wave of light hit him. When he had been able to think again, he decided he would track Angel down and beat the living hell out of him.

It had taken him most of the afternoon to find out where Angel lived. He wasn't listed in the phone book, and Wolfram and Hart would not give out that information. The witch he went to in Santa Monica said that she would need something that once belonged to Angel in order to do a locating spell. Reluctantly, Connor had admitted that he was Angel's son, but didn't have anything else that Angel once had. The witch said that Connor was good enough, and had used him to do the spell.

It had taken Connor most of the night to get up the courage to go find his father. The memories were still raw. He also remembered getting his memories the first time. What had happened to erase them again, he wondered. Did Angel get nervous for his sanity yet again? He hadn't thought he had done anything to warrant those concerns.

Driving into the hills, he had planned to hit Angel a few times, and yell a little, and then leave. It wasn't fair to continually toy with his reality. Connor needed to know, for sure, that he was going to keep the knowledge of who he had been in his past life.

"Are you going to mind-wipe me again or not?"

"No."

"Good." Turning on his heel, he headed for the door but was stopped by a very irate looking slayer. He couldn't bring himself to push a pregnant woman out of his way, so he crossed his arms and tried to look menacing. She laughed at him.

"Yeah, that look doesn't work on me. Especially since you're just about as cute as a kitten. Turn around before I turn you around. Now."

He thought about going for the door for a second and then realized she could probably take him, pregnant and all. He hadn't really been training during the past four years. He had played around a little in a gym, but he hadn't gotten serious. Buffy looked like she took her training very seriously.

There had been inklings. The few times he had trained seriously, he had felt as if he had never been alive before that moment. Playing football and hockey had come as second nature, but he had to be careful not to hurt other players. His teammates often joked he wasn't made of much, but what he was made of was all power. His slight build did not betray the power he knew lurked just under the surface.

His parents knew nothing of their son's instincts, his senses. He had never told them and didn't plan to. In his fake memories, he had taken martial arts classes as a child, up until he was sixteen. He had always explained away his acute knowledge of how the body could move in a fight with those classes. Now, he knew there were no martial arts classes.

Last year, he had gone to the bar for his twenty-first birthday. His friends had started a fight with two big guys, and even half drunk, Connor had floored them before they could think about throwing another punch. They had all laughed nervously afterward, and no one ever brought it up again. It was too weird to think about. Or, it had been too weird to think about. Now, he knew the real explanation behind his prowess.

"Totally human? No more blood or fangs?"

"Not totally. I have my senses, my strength. All the good things about being a vampire and all the good things about being a human. The scientists call us hybrids."

"You're like me?" The words were out of his mouth before he had truly thought about what he was saying.

Angels' throat closed a little. His son was in front of him, his brain kept repeating. He wanted to hug him, to hear everything Connor had done and been through since he had last seen him. Finally, he made himself speak. It was time to be honest, he told himself.

"Yeah, I'm like you. Connor…I won't erase your memories again. I just wanted…I just wanted you to have a life. A real life. I could never give you that. If you want to remember, that's fine. I'll respect that."

Nodding, Connor wondered at the man in front of him. Angel had always been strange, but this man was different in ways he couldn't explain to himself. The woman behind him was odd too. His senses told him she was human, but he could sense a power inside her that was anything but human. He wondered about he baby inside of her that was making his senses tingle. That baby wasn't human, not entirely. Connor thought briefly that his half sibling would be like him, not quite human.

"I want to remember. It's important I remember. It explains a lot."

Wanting to continue their conversation, Angel motioned to the living room and they moved to the couches. Angel sat in an overstuffed armchair, Connor sat on the couch. They only looked at each for a moment, Connor was still deciding if he liked the older man in front of him. He was having a hard time reconciling the man he had known with the man he was speaking to now.

Angel was the first to break the silence. "What do the memories explain?"

"I feel alive when I fight. More alive than I feel any other time. It's like I'm asleep through life and then I just wake up and everything makes sense. Anyway, I haven't been training lately; I've been kind of busy. When I did, though, it was like nothing else mattered. Now I know why I feel like that. I was born a warrior."

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Angel drew a slow breath before answering. "You aren't just a warrior, Connor. You're more than that."

Shaking his head, Connor replied, "I know I'm not a killing machine, but I was born to swing a sword. I know that for sure."

"So what are you going to do now? Now that you remember?"

"I'm going to kill demons. I'll start training again, I'll patrol. I want to do all that, but I still want to live my life. I have a girlfriend, I have a family, I have a job. I need to keep all that going. You know? Like, I have a secret life now. But…it makes more sense to me now, too."

Nodding, Angel wondered what he was going to do with his son. The younger man needed training, he didn't look combat ready. In addition to training, he needed someone to confide in. Angel knew Connor would not be able to lead a double life without confiding about it to anyone.

"Connor, you could train with me. With my friend Will. With Buffy, after the baby's born, if she agrees to it. You need to train with someone that has the strength to challenge you."

Connor considered that, but wasn't able to answer his father. The doorbell was ringing.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

The light didn't blind her anymore. She was almost used to it by now, and the years had been kind to her. Her life hadn't been easy; it was difficult to watch and be able to do little. They sent her to Earth sometimes, as a guide. She was able to help people; though it sickened her that she had to give such cryptic advice to the champions she was sent to.

They had even sent her to a few slayers. She had questioned the wisdom of what she was telling them, but months later, sometimes years later, she saw that The Powers were mostly right.

Being forbidden to see her friends had hurt her. She understood the reasons for that, though. She couldn't trust herself to give them cryptic information. Knowing that she would want to help them as much as she could, The Powers had confined her to another corner of the globe. They had forbidden her from seeing them, even in a disguised form.

She was often in disguise. It was rare that she showed her true face to people. There was little chance she would be recognized, but it was almost fun to look like other people when she was allowed to walk among the living.

Her death hadn't been fun. She hadn't gone quietly; not her. Queen C never went quietly. She understood though, after a while. So many horrible things had been done in her name; she was ashamed that her friends had thought she had conceived a hell god with a child.

Sighing, she watched her friends down below. At least, she thought it was down below. The relationships between space and three dimensional objects here were odd. She could look anywhere and see anything she wanted. Any part of the globe she could imagine was open to her.

So, when she glanced around and thought of Angel, she was greeted with a sight that made her heart stop. He was screaming. She felt a tug on her heart and knew he was calling to her. Focusing a little more, she gasped when he heard what Angel was asking of her.

It took her only a few moments to go to The Powers. They would not listen to reason. A baby, a newborn, was going to die, and her mother along with her, and they were not going to do anything about it. The Powers assuring her all would work out did not assuage the fears raging in her mind.

Angel was in pain, and when she focused in on Fred, the emotional torment she felt was too great to ignore. Her friends had suffered too much. It was time they had some kind of break. If she had to be the one to give that break, she would suffer the consequences later.

It was forbidden for her to have contact with them. She could not go to them; she could not interfere in their lives in any way. She was going to be in big trouble. All that meant nothing at that moment. Damning the consequences, she focused as much as she could.

Putting her hand on Angel's head, she breathed a bit of the power into him that she had years before. Leaning back and fading into her world once again, she watched the vision ravage his mind. He hadn't been expecting it, she knew.

It took only a fraction of a second for her world to shake and crumble. Screaming, the pain flowing through her like an avalanche, she almost begged for forgiveness. She managed to hold back before she felt herself plummeting.

It was like being dropped from a building with a seventy ton weight on her back. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't open her eyes; all she could do was hope and pray that she didn't land back in her body.

The consequences of her actions had crossed her mind, but the thought of revoking her status had never entered her thoughts. She was de-ascending, she realized. She was going to join the living again.

Panic flooded her mind for a brief second, when the yellowed and decaying material of the inside of the coffin flashed in front of her. The Powers weren't that cruel, though, and she quickly realized that she was lying in the damp grass, her hair becoming wet with dew.

The sun blinded her. It was too bright, everything was too green. The brightness of the grass hurt her eyes. Shielding herself, she tried to get into a better position, lying on her face in the grass wasn't very comfortable.

She wouldn't let herself cry. Choking back sobs, she got onto her hands and knees and stared at the gravestone in front of her.

The gravestone had the name Cordelia Chase engraved on it.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Wesley nearly lost his breakfast all over the foyer. Making the move to turn around, he was caught by Fred and pivoted back to the living room. Connor was sitting not twenty feet away from where Wesley and his family were standing.

Looking at the man who was once an infant stolen into a hell dimension, Wesley searched for signs of hatred or torment in the eyes now locked on his. All he could see was curiosity, perhaps a bit of unhappiness. This was not the teenager who tried to kill his father, this was a young man looking for answers, Wesley thought. His nerves lessened just a bit.

Fred had to get a hold of herself quickly. Grasping Allie to her chest protectively, she moved towards Buffy. Fred wanted to hug Connor, but the newness of the memories and the pain stayed her hand. She didn't know who this man was in front of her. He had a kind look to his features; she didn't feel threatened by him.

Not letting her guard down entirely, Fred sat next to Buffy. Allie was content to lie in her mom's lap, and didn't seem to have any need to make any fuss. Buffy stroked her cheek and cooed to her a little and the infant started to doze.

Moving slowly into the room, Wesley took a seat in the second overstuffed chair, which was closer to Angel than he would have liked. Not sure of the former vampire's reaction, Wesley had planned to try and keep his distance.

No one spoke as Gunn and Will came in. Gunn looked shocked, but it wasn't long before he composed himself and come into the living room. He positioned himself on the arm of the couch, his arm resting behind Buffy.

Gunn wasn't sure what to say to this young man. Was there an appropriate way to greet someone a person hadn't known existed, Gunn asked himself. He chose to stay silent, he couldn't think of anything intelligent to say. Glancing around the room, he realized that no one was particularly interesting in speaking. Most people had their lips closed tightly.

Will didn't want to sit. He was tired, and Dawn was right behind him, having decided it was not a good idea for them to drive in together. He partially regretted spending a good portion of his night having sex instead of sleeping. He felt as if he could sleep for a week and it wouldn't be enough. Knowing he would be at the office until late into night trying to catch up on the work he had neglected the past week, he hoped this family meeting wouldn't take all day. He didn't need to be at the office any later than he already knew he would be.

Xander and Dawn sat away from the main group, at the bar stools along the kitchen breakfast bar. Dawn knew she wouldn't say much, she was basically only there to support everyone else. She and Xander had little to do with this situation, she thought.

Once everyone was seated, Angel didn't know how to go about starting a conversation. He needn't have worried; Connor took over for him quickly.

"So, it's a reunion this morning? I would have worn a better shirt if I had known that." The amusement in Connor's eyes and voice made everyone else in the room feel a little less awkward.

Fred almost smiled at him, "You remembered too? Well…what are we going to do now?"

Connor paused to think about that. He wasn't sure if he wanted a relationship with his father. He had a family, parents and siblings, a good job, a good college degree, and a girlfriend. There was no reason to give any of that up, he could fight the good fight and have a life, he thought. Sure, he said to himself, Angel seems like a nice guy, and these guys seem alright, but they aren't my family.

Before Connor wanted to talk about himself, he wanted to know about Fred and why he remembered her as a blue being a few years ago. Curious about what they had been through in the past years and sure they would want to know about him, he reconsidered the attitude he had expressed to Angel in the coffee shop before the final battle.

At that time, he had told Angel that he was grateful for everything Angel had done, but didn't want anything further from the vampire. Now, Angel wasn't a vampire and Connor's attitude had changed. He thought he had matured, entered a time in his life when he could be a part of his biological parents' life in a good way.

Remembering the last thing Angel had said to him made his heat ache a little. Angel had told Connor that as long as his son was alive and well, no one could destroy him. That had meant a lot to Connor, and he now knew that Angel meant those words with all his heart. There was nothing Connor could do to convince himself that Angel didn't love him.

He wanted to apologize for all the horrible things he had done, but he knew Angel wouldn't hear it. Angel didn't hold him responsible for any of the sins he had committed after returning from Quor'Toth. Angel loved his son enough to overlook all the pain Connor had put him through. Connor understood that now, he thought. He understood that he had been confused, that Angel had made mistakes but had loved him throughout all of it.

Knowing he could never again walk away from his father, he started to talk. He spoke about school, and his girlfriend and his family. He kept the synopsis of his life short, but wanted to let everyone know that he wanted them to be included in his life. Stopping to ask questions, Fred briefly explained the 'blue phase' and Angel tried to explain the prophecy that had turned him and Will into hybrids.

He was introduced to Will, Dawn and Xander, and he liked them all immediately. The people in front of him were not the same people that he had known years ago. These people were older in years and in understanding. They had gone through hardships he could not imagine, and hearing the stories they told him, he wondered if he would ever know the full extent of their adventures.

His life had been boring in comparison. After having his memories erased for the second time, he had lived fairly normally. He hadn't been hit by any trucks, and his parents soon gave up in their quest of trying to figure out whether or not their son was different. Denial was a powerful thing, he thought.

It wasn't until Allie started crying that the party broke up. The baby was hungry, as were most others in the room. Angel only realized the resemblance to the twilight zone when he, Will and Dawn were halfway through making brunch. Stopping in the middle of cutting the banana in front of him, he cocked his head slightly.

This was ridiculous, Angel thought. He was going to have a family brunch with the people he pushed away the son he hadn't seen in four years. And his pregnant girlfriend, who was carrying a child that had healed her from a serious stab wound in less than an hour.

His life had always been strange, he realized that, but this was taking a turn down a path he had never envisioned. Most of them had to go to work, but he imagined Connor had known that he wouldn't make it to the museum that Monday. Angel, though, knew that he had to run his company, as did his friends.

Taking a deep breath, he went back to slicing bananas for the pancakes. Dawn was already finished with the batter. Looking over at the man who was once a vampire, Angel tried to remember the events leading up to this day. His best friend had been his arch nemesis, and before that had been his pupil. The little girl in his kitchen, who Angel knew was now a woman, was sleeping with his best friend. Buffy's kid sister and his best friend were having sex, he realized with dismay. This was not going to turn out well, he thought.

Dawn's smell was all over Will, and vice versa. Even if Angel hadn't been able to smell their relationship, the sidelong glances Dawn was giving Will, and Will's utter neglect of those glances, would have been a tip off. Angel knew Will always confronted issues head on, sometimes without as much planning or forethought as Angel thought was necessary. The fact that Will was completely ignoring Dawn's rather scandalous gaze told Angel more than the pheromones did.

Will was going to fall in love. He only ignored women he found dangerous, and the only women Will thought were dangerous were the ones who could steal his heart. He had been terrified of Dru until she had turned him, and even then he had been under her thumb for years. Harmony was aberration, Angel thought. He almost winced when he thought of how many times Will had tried to kill Buffy just to prove to himself that he didn't love her. Hoping Will would not reach that level of destructive tendencies, he wondered how long it would take for his friend to realize how in love he was.

Shifting his thoughts, he looked towards the living room, where Xander and Connor were exchanging battle stories. Wesley had followed Gunn onto the patio after Fred and Buffy had gone to the nursery to take care of Allie. Angel knew that Fred was not going to let Allie out of her sight for a long time. They would all need closure concerning the hell god that the baby's blood was supposed to raise. Willow had promised to look into the powers that Allie could poses, but she seemed to think Allie was similar to Dawn in terms of powers.

He busied himself with setting the table and wondered at the relationship that could develop between Buffy and Connor. Would his soul mate and his son get along, he wondered. It was going to be difficult, he knew, trying to have anything resembling a normal relationship with Connor. The young man didn't have any reason to trust his biological father, and Angel knew that. He also knew that Buffy would be suspicious of Connor, but sympathetic at the same time.

When brunch was served and Fred and Buffy returned from the nursery with only a baby monitor but no baby, the conversation became louder than it had been in the living room. War stories were exchanged, and the serious tone of the conversation quickly turned to something resembling cheerfulness.

Connor was making a real effort to put aside his negative opinions of the lot of them and make an attempt at civility, Angel thought. He really has grown up, the proud father realized. It was a realization that made him smile. His family was continually growing, and for a man that had professed to be a loner, he was surrounded by many people who loved him and whom he loved in return.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

They were probably fighting the battle now, she thought. They were probably killing the hell god and saving the baby. At that time, Cordy was wondering through eh outskirts of LA. She was dressed in the black pants and white button down she had been buried in. She had no money, no place to go, and no one to call. All her friends were in the middle of a field somewhere, saving the lives of a mother and child.

Her feet were killing her. Angel had not chosen the shoes she was buried in for their comfort value. The black sling-back stilettos were digging into the sides of her feet, and her big toe felt as though it was going to fall off soon. The shoes had been in her closet, but she had never worn them.

It was hot, too hot for black pants and long sleeves. She knew she was sweating, and her hair was a mess from the humidity, and her makeup was awful. She had looked at herself as she was being buried, struck with a sense of morbid curiosity that she could not ignore, and had winced at the makeup she had been wearing. It was pretty, but it was too much. Cordy thought she looked like a very expensive prostitute walking through the city.

The only thing Cordy could think to do was go to Wolfram and Hart. She was thankful that she had witnessed Dawn moving into her old apartment, it would have been awkward to go there, and expecting Dennis to open the door, only to find the younger sister of the slayer Cordy had never gotten along with.

Sighing, she had time to reflect on her thoughts about Buffy. The woman was good for Angel, Cordy realized. He needed her to ground him, to keep him sane and give him hope. And Cordy had watched Buffy mature into a wonderful woman. It was difficult to reconcile the girl she had known with the woman Buffy was now. The years overseas, away from everything she knew and loved, had forced her to adopt a maturity beyond her years. Not the years of saving the world hadn't done that too, Cordy consented. However, it had been nice to watch Buffy become a woman during the past half of a decade.

Now that the slayer was pregnant, Cordy was sure Angel would want to marry her. He would want an official relationship and a full family. Knowing that the opening of Angel's secret book would cause Connor to remember his real life, Cordy wondered how Angel would deal with his son and soon-to-be wife

Sneaking into the underground parking deck of Wolfram and Hart, Cordy entered the security codes into the private elevator. She had watched Angel enter those codes for years, and had never really paid attention to them. She was good with numbers, though, she had even been able to memorize Angel's credit card numbers years ago.

It only took a few minutes to reach Angel's private suite. She knew all the codes for the elevators, and the secret compartment where he kept the elevator key. The code got her into his office; the key got her into his apartment.

Her feet ached when she finally got her shoes off. Hot water from the shower felt wonderful after her the miles of walking she had done in order to get to the law firm. Her feet were blistered and bleeding, her back ached and she was sure her face was sunburned. She laughed as she imagined what she would look like when her friends finally saw her.

Wearing Angel's undershirt and boxers, she climbed into bed. The sun was setting and her day had been trying. Sleep came easily to the seer, and she tried not to think about what she would say to Angel when she saw him.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

"And then, looking like drowned rats and smelling like something out of a land fill, we went back into the office."

Everyone was laughing, and Connor was starting to wonder who this man was, this man in the stories Will was telling. He wasn't sure he knew the man everyone was referring to as Angel. His memories of this man had no resemblance to the man in these stories. Will's stories were of a man filled with good intentions, a man with a dead pan sense of humor, and a fear of disappointing others.

Connor was starting to reconsider his feelings towards his father. The more time he spent with these people, the more he seemed to like them. This was dangerous, he thought.

"We have to go to work. We can't stay here all day, as much as I would enjoy that." Standing, Xander took the pause in laughter as a sign to start clearing the table.

Dawn wiped her eyes, which had started to tear she was laughing so hard, and stood to help Xander. Will had started to ask Connor about college again, and was sitting next to Gunn and Wesley, listening with rapt attention to Connor's stories about his life. They wanted to know everything that had been created on his behalf. It was fascinating to them, the family and life that Connor lived since having reality altered.

Angel snuck upstairs when he thought no one was looking; Buffy was close on his heals. When the bedroom door was closed and Angel started pulling clothes from the closet, Buffy sat down, having previously dressed.

"What now, Angel? What are you going to do with him?"

"I don't know. I think that's up to him. I mean, if he wants me in his life, I that's great. I…would like that. I want to get to know him again. I want to know my son." Buttoning his shirt fully, he tucked the eggplant colored top into his black pants.

"How will you do that? Can you two just go for lunch, or something?" Leaning on her elbows, she lifted her feet into the air, one by one, as Angel slid shoes onto her feet. She had reached twenty-seven weeks, and although she could get her shoes on, she appreciated Angel's help.

He kept his hand on her belly after he helped her with her shoes. The extra weight, which she seemed to carry all in her stomach, looked huge on her tiny frame. Breathing deeply, he wondered about the little baby inside her that had saved her life. He wasn't sure what he had created with the slayer, but he was sure his second son wouldn't be entirely like the first.

"I don't know how to approach him. He seems…okay, you know? I mean, he was laughing and joking and looks like he's taking this all in stride. But it'll be hard. I don't know him and I know I'm a different person than I was when he was a teenager. I don't know if he'll like me."

Setting her hand on top of his, she tugged him down to sit beside her and kept his hand on her belly. The baby inside of her was kicking, and they sat together for a while, feeling his movements. Laughing at Angel's amazed face; she touched the side of his face with her free hand.

"Angel, you are a wonderful person. You help so many people, and you work so hard. You're different, sure, but in good ways. You're a little less broody and lot less fangy. Those are good things. You two can be friends, I'm sure of it. He's your son."

"It's not that easy, Buffy." Rising from the bed, he started pacing the room. "We have a bad history. I never knew him before he was sixteen, and then…he wasn't adjusted and I wasn't a great father. We fought a lot. I just…I just he gives me a second chance."

Buffy was about to say something, but stopped herself when Angel's head cocked oddly. He was hearing something she couldn't, and she waited for him to refocus on her before she spoke. Noticing his frown, she stood. Without having to say a word to one another, they started downstairs. Buffy knew that Angel had caught part of a conversation he wanted to be involved in, and she would have to wait to continue their conversation. There was no distracting Angel once he was on a case. Coming down the stairs, they heard the last part of Wesley's sentence.

"…that was the only word I could think of to open it."

"It could have been a phrase, not just a word." Gunn pointed out.

"Knowing Angel, though, it would have been one word."

Angel cleared his throat to announce his presence. He hated being talked about when he was in earshot. Narrowing his gaze and crossing his arms across his chest he looked to Wesley. "What are you talking about?"

It was Wesley's turn to clear his throat. "The password. How I knew it. I was explaining how I was able to open the book containing Connor and our memories."

Fred was the first to admit the full lengths of their conversation. "'Cordy?' You used the name 'Cordy' as your password? Angel…that's…."

Gunn cut her off. "A little obsessive. Unhealthy obsessive."

Angel had wanted to believe that this had not been the conversation he overheard. He had heard Connor's name in the same statement as a the phrase 'memory book' from Gunn, but hadn't really wanted to believe that Wesley would reveal the password that opened the book.

Buffy looked a little stricken. She was quick to hide her surprise, and perhaps dismay, that it was Cordy who was the key to the memories of Connor. Taking a seat on the couch next to Dawn, she decided to keep quiet and listen as Angel was called on the carpet again.

He paused for a few moments. Connor was staring, wide eyed and expectant. Fred and Gunn looked upset, and the others looked confused. Except for Wesley, of course, Angel thought. Wesley wore a very carefully blank expression. He was good at those when he wanted to be.

"Yeah, I used her name." When the others realized that he wasn't going to say anymore, Gunn piped it.

"Why? Why Cordy? I mean…I don't want to pry or anything…" Gunn quickly became quiet again. He had never reconciled within his own mind whether or not Angel and Cordelia had been romantically involved. He had known, years ago, that his boss and friend had feelings for the girl, but he had never known if anything had come of it. Lorne had assured him nothing had happened, but Fred had always believed the two harbored mutual feelings.

Fred was staring at the floor. She had thought Cordy liked Angel, as more than a friend, when they had worked out of the hotel downtown. Cordy had loved Connor as her own when he was a baby and she had cared for Angel deeply, but Fred was never sure if their gentleness with one another had progressed to more. Cordy had always sworn it hadn't, but Cordy was a good actress when she wanted to be.

"She…she was a good friend. And she was very good with Connor. And…the history. All that. It seemed right." He did not want them reading this much into it. Angel could see that Gunn was already jumping to conclusions and Fred was carefully avoiding his stare. Lorne had accused him more than once of being in love with his seer, but that was a moot point now, he told himself.

His feelings for a dead woman, feelings he may have felt years ago, did not matter now. Angel feared that Buffy would get the wrong idea about him and Cordy. He was in love with his pregnant girlfriend, he knew that. There was no question in his mind that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Buffy. He did not need the memories he had of Cordy interfering with that, he told himself.

"Look…she was a good friend. My best friend. And she died. I got sad. I wanted to remember her, and this seemed like a good way. And I thought no one would think of that password. At least none of my enemies thought of it, anyway."

No one really looked satisfied at that answer. Xander was trying to look nonjudgmental and failing, and Dawn just seemed a little confused. Connor kept quiet. He remembered Cordy, but not in very good ways. He had seen pictures of her holding him as a baby, and he remembered the woman that had slept with him and given birth to hell god. Beyond those memories, he wasn't sure what he felt for Cordy.

She had been a mother to him, and then a paramour, and then an enemy. She had driven him man and poisoned his mind. He knew that the woman he had known for many months after her return from the higher planes had not been Cordelia. Cordy was good and sweet and kind. The woman he had slept with was evil and manipulative. Knowing this, he was unsure how he really felt about her. Had the planes brought out her worse sides, or had that been another person entirely? He was never able to answer that question for himself satisfactorily.

Looking at clock, Angel ran a hand through his hair. "We have to go to the office. The world is going to sink into a black hole if we keep taking off work. We can discuss this later."

Connor left first, headed to his girlfriend's house. He had taken the day off of work, and he felt he needed the Katherine's normalcy. She was a calming part o his life, and he looked forward to spending the rest of his Monday with her.

Fred gathered Allison from the nursery and bundled her into the car. Wesley and she had taken separate vehicles so she could return home with her baby. She didn't wait for the others to leave; she simply kissed her husband and started for home. She wanted to be alone with her memories for a while.

The procession into the parking lot of Wolfram and Hart was impressive. They entered the building in a wave, and Angel mussed that they must have appeared quite formidable. Separating to go to their private offices, Angel was deep in thought as he picked up his messages from his secretary. He listened with only one ear as she rattled off his rearranged appointments and commitments for the rest of the day.

Sighing, he made his way the few feet to his office. Opening the door, he managed to close it and almost reach his desk when the elevator to his private apartment opened.

Immediately dropping into a fighting stance and wondering who could have gained access to that part of the building without his authorization, his heart stopped when he saw the woman in front of him.

She was wearing the black pants she had been buried in and one of his undershirts. She was braless and barefoot and her face was sun burnt. Smiling at him, she leaned against the wall.

"Either hit me or put your fists down, Angel. You look silly just standing there like that."

His brain refused to believe what his eyes were seeing. Cordelia was standing in his office.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Will wanted to lock the door. Dawn was close on his heels, and he was not ready to have to the conversation he knew she wanted to have. Sitting at his desk, he put his head in his hands. The paperwork on his desk was stacked neatly, but was nearly a foot high. The amount of work in front of him was overwhelming.

Taking a deep breath, he started into the pile of briefings on his desk. His mind was not focused; images of Dawn were floating behind his eyes. She was beautiful, she was headstrong, and she was a warrior. He admired all those qualities.

She was so young, though, he thought to himself. She was barely beyond her teenage years. Guilt overwhelmed him as he tried to focus on the tasks at hand and get through some of his work. He just wasn't sure in what direction a relationship between he and Dawn could progress. Could they move beyond just sex, and did he want to move beyond just sex, he asked himself.

He was almost through a majority of the paperwork on his desk when the door to his office opened without the preamble of a knock. A thin arm holding a brown paper shopping bag that smelled like Chinese food was dangling through the doorway.

Leaning back in his chair, he watched Dawn walk into the office. She set the bag of food on his desk and slipped her heels off. Sitting the chair, she set her feet on the edge on his desk and crossed her arms. Will could see the tops of her thigh-high stockings as her skirt to fell to the sides of her legs. Catching his breath, he sat back a little further in his own chair, glad to have the desk in between them.

"Are you going to avoid me for ever, now?"

Crossing his own arms, his expression became steely. "We can't do this. It isn't right."

She was exasperated. "It's not as if I'm some sixteen year old. What isn't right about this? Why can't we keep doing what we're doing?"

"What are we doing? What is it that you want from me, Dawn?"

Pausing, she considered the question. She wasn't sure what she wanted from him. She knew she wanted to have sex with him. She wanted to go to dinner with him and spar with him. Instead of answering, she leaned forward and started unpacking the bag of food. She had to stop herself from throwing one of the white containers at him.

Looking at the clock, he winced. It was after four. The others would be here late; they all had a lot of work to catch up on. He started into the food in front of him, vowing not to be the one to break the silence. The ball was still in her court, he reminded himself.

She used the chopsticks to take a few bits of her noodle mixture before she finally worked up the answer to the question he had asked a few minutes previous.

"I want to date you. I like being with you. You're funny, you're good in bed. We'd be good together. Buffy doesn't have to know. I won't tell her if you don't want me to. We can keep this a secret. I just want to try, okay? I'm not asking for a ring or anything."

"There's history between us. You remember me chained in a bathtub, for God's sakes. I mean, Dawn, come on, how can we be good together? You're sister will find out, because Angel already knows. And then she'll kill me."

"You told Angel!" She leaned forward in one swift movement and slammed her hand into the desk in front on her. "How could you do that?"

"I didn't tell him anything, you silly bint! He smelled it on us. I know I could. He wouldn't miss something like that."

Calming herself a little, she leaned back again and started stabbing pieces of chicken with her chopsticks. "This is the part where you list all the reasons why we can't be together, right? You give me a bunch of excuses and then I get mad and leave. A Buffy and Angel rerun, right? Bullshit, Will. That's bullshit."

"Such pretty language from such a pretty lady," he mocked, "Look, we can't do this. And it has nothing to do with Buffy and Peaches. Nothing. It just wouldn't work."

"Why not?"

Blowing out a slow breath, he started into his pre-prepared list. "It's dangerous. We lead dangerous lives, and I can't be worried about coming home to someone every night while I'm out killing demons and committing felonies. Reason two, you are way too young for me…"

He did not have the chance to finish. "Well I doubt there are many other three hundred year old people out there that look as good as I do naked." There was a smug look on her face, and he realized this was going to get ugly soon.

"Okay, point. However, you are too young. I'm too old. We wouldn't work out, our interests are too different. You would want to go to the club and I…well I wouldn't."

"That is the dumbest reason I have ever heard. And I am not the average twenty-two year old, you know that. I have been on the front lines for eight years, I can handle myself. You really think I can date a twenty-something? I tried, Will, it didn't work out."

They stared at each other, dead locked. He hated to admit that he enjoyed her company as much as he did. He had loved sparing with her the few times they had been able to, and he had greatly enjoyed the night he spent with her. It wasn't going to be enough, he told himself.

"It won't work. Bottom line. I won't let it work. I don't want you Dawn. I don't want you." He looked at her, watched as his words sunk in.

He's lying, she told herself. She could see the lies written all over his features. He wanted her. Even now, she thought, there is a passion burning in his eyes. He can lie to himself, she said in her head, but he cannot lie to me.

Standing, she pulled her pullover white blouse off in one fluid motion and came around the desk. He opened his mouth and went to stand in protest, but here lips silenced him before he could speak. Part of her hated herself for using her body to win him over. She though she could convince him with other ways, but this seemed to be the only language he understood.

He tried to stop himself, but a familiar feeling blossomed in his chest. His mind recoiled from what his heart was telling him. There was no way, he told himself, no way he could feel this way for Dawn. He had had these feelings for Dru, for Buffy. This was the same, but different.

Before he could dissect the feelings enveloping him, his body responded to the woman in front of him. his mind stopped working as his hands took over. His lips were eager for hers and even before she could strip the rest of her clothes off, he was tugging at her skirt.

Pushing the thoughts of guilt from her mind, Dawn focused on what her body was feeling. The odd feeling she had the night before returned, and an acute ache in her chest told her she could not let this man go. Her heart was screaming to keep him any way she could, and if her body was the only thing that could tether her to him, she would use that to advantage.

Neither of them wanted to think about the implications of their actions or the feelings washing through them. Will knew he was going to get attached; his romantic nature had always left him wanting more of the women he slept with. Dawn knew she was not willing to let her infatuation die so quickly. What had started as a primal kind of attraction was quickly growing to something more and she was helpless to stop herself.

Neither of them spoke as they fell to the floor behind Will's desk.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

He had to lick his lips a few times and take many deep breaths before he could speak. "Cordy…" Her name came out as a whisper.

"Yeah, big guy. It's me." She walked to the couch and sat down. Waving her arm at him, she motioned for him to sit down.

He sat next to her with more than a little trepidation. He wondered if this was another visit from the dead, or if she was on this plane for some reason. She looked a little the worse for wear, and he wasn't sure she would be wearing his sleeveless undershirt if she had a choice to wear anything else. He doubted she was here of her own will.

Releasing a long breath, she put her elbows on her knees and her chin on her fist. There was the same amused expression he had seen so often on her face now, and he was dragged down into memories he had thought he left behind long ago.

"I made a big mistake. Well, I didn't think it as a mistake, but I guess the Powers did. They kicked me out." She looked towards him with a sad smile and let that bit of information take full effect.

Leaning back, Angel tried to keep a passive look on his face, but he was more than a little shocked. He could not imagine what was so terrible to warrant Cordy being kicked out of the higher planes.

"What happened?"

She thought long and hard about she was about to say. Angel was sensitive and she doubted that he had given much thought to the vision he had been sent. He probably hadn't had any time to really think about it. "I saw you. When you were yelling at the Powers, asking me to send you a sign. I heard you and I did. I wasn't supposed to see you or interact with you in any way. They forbid me from having any contact with you at all, in fact. So, when I sent you a vision, they got mad. I wasn't supposed to do that."

He nodded slowly. He had gotten Cordy kicked out of her ascended plane. Keeping his features calm, he swallowed the growing lump in his throat. "You're back for good? I mean, they won't let you back in at all? We could try…"

"It's no use. I knew the rules and I chose to break them. I saw Fred and Allie and I just….I didn't think The Powers would send you guys a sign in time. I don't know if they would have sent one at all…" She paused and started studying her finger nails intently.

Angel did not miss the underlying meaning of her words. "Why would they let that baby die? What could make them want her dead; especially when her death would have meant the deaths of dozens, maybe hundreds, if that hell god had gotten into our dimension with full strength? Why would they do that?"

Standing, she started pacing the office. She knew she shouldn't tell Angel any more. He shouldn't know about Allie or his own baby, she thought. Knowing the amount of knowledge she had was dangerous, she wondered what the repercussions would be if she started telling people what she knew. The Powers hadn't erased her memory this time, so perhaps they had left the memories intact for a reason, she thought. Perhaps they wanted her to know, Cordy reasoned.

"She should never have been born. I know Fred loves her with all of her soul, and so does Wesley. They are going to be great parents. It's just…she wasn't supposed to exist. There was a plan for those two to have a baby, I know there was. But…Wes didn't wait. I don't blame him, really, but it was a mistake. A mistake of the biggest proportions.

Allie shouldn't exist, and her death would have been a way to balance out he scales that have been tipped too much to one side. It's all about balance, you know that. Wes unbalanced the scale with his baby. She isn't just human. She's special. She has a very special future in front of her, now that she's going to live.

But…she wasn't supposed to live. There are plans for her…but they were alternate plans. Plan B, you know? Plan A was her death. So…I didn't think they would send a message. I couldn't have that. I couldn't let an innocent baby die because Wesley wanted Fred to be happy. That isn't fair."

She had stopped pacing somewhere in the middle of her explanation and had leaned against Angel's desk. He sat, motionless, taking in what he was hearing. Cordy knew Allie's future, he thought, at least a bit of it. He wanted to ask her about his child, about the baby inside Buffy. He knew Cordy would know something about both his sons, but he decided to hold his tongue about them for the time being.

"Okay…so you're back. You're alive. What do you want to do now? You need a place to stay, you'll need…everything. We'll figure something out, ID wise, since, you know, you're dead. Umm…other than that, where do we go from here?"

"I'm not sure. I really don't know, Angel. I'm sure not everyone will be happy I'm alive. I mean, this throws a human size monkey wrench into your life. You're gonna be a dad…again. And the woman of your dreams is here and your son is back in your life. I just don't want to be a burden. You finally have things going okay, and now I show up. I just…don't know how I feel about all that."

He sat quietly for a few minutes. He knew Buffy was not happy to find out that he used Cordy's name as his password to Connor's life-book. Cordy had always been a soft spot for Buffy, and he wasn't sure how his slayer would react to the seer's return. He was also unsure of Connor's reaction. Angel was sure Connor didn't have the best memories of Cordy in the forefront of his mind.

"Cordy…it will be okay. I mean, we can't just throw you away. None of us would want that. I'm…well, I'm glad you're here. I could use the help, I think. And the others will be thrilled. Buffy will come around, she'll see who you really are. It will all work out, I'm positive of that."

He nodded forcefully, trying more to convince himself rather than Cordy of the veracity of his words. Inside, he had to admit that he wasn't sure how everyone would react to Cordy being back in their lives. She had been gone for so long. For a long time, Angel hadn't been able to imagine life without his seer; now, he found that he couldn't imagine life with her. She was a blast from the past that he had not expected.

Knowing that he could never turn her away, he started planning how they would go about making her a life. There was a death certificate for Cordelia Chase, and he wasn't sure she would welcome going back to that name. Her parents, for sure, would not deal well with the fact that their daughter was alive and well. Cordy would need a new identity all together.

"We'll get you a new name, a new ID. You can start over, again. And…if you want to tell people, I get that. If you need time, I mean."

Nodding, she considered the possibility of trying to acclimate herself before she jumped back into everyone's life. They might be hurt, she recognized, but they would understand her need to adjust before confronting her new life full on. Sighing, she leaned back and tried to give Angel a reassuring smile.

"I need a place to stay. Your apartment is nice, but probably not the best place to be if I want to be out of sight for a while. And I'll need clothes. You have a wonderful collection of underwear, but it's not exactly chic right now." Her smile widened as she saw his eyes lighten.

He was happy she sounded like Cordy again. As much as she changed, she always stayed the same. Standing, he handed her the cell phone in his pocket and went to get a phone book from his cabinet.

"Order something for now. Something that can be delivered to an apartment. We'll get you situated and then you can go and get a real wardrobe. How does Olympic Boulevard sound? Until we can get you a real place, anyway. I know a landlord, he keeps a really nice little complex there."

He watched he eyes widen a little as he handed her the phonebook and his credit card. She had watched him over the years, but she hadn't really appreciated the man he had turned into. He was more decisive now, more sure of himself. Or at least he faked it well, she thought.

Ordering clothes and calling a car didn't take her too long. Angel made one call to the landlord and she was guaranteed an apartment. It would take a few hours to have it furnished, he explained, but she could be in her own place by the time everyone had left the office for the day.

She was impressed with the speed at which things moved for Angel. He called one furniture store and had the entire apartment outfitted within hours. They emptied their store rooms to fill her temporary home. It was amazing, she thought, what money could buy.

By the time Angel had to leave the office, he had assured her that she would have a place to sleep and shower in comfort. There would be a driver waiting for her on the curb to take her to her apartment, he said, and there would also be one waiting for her in the morning. He was going to do everything in his power to make sure she was comfortable and taken care of until she was ready to get back on her feet.

Cordy kissed his cheek when he left the office and went upstairs to lounge and collect the few things that tell anyone of her presence there. The drive would be short, and she would greeted by an unfamiliar place when she reached her destination, but at least she had somewhere to go, she reflected. It would be awkward, starting a new life, but she knew she was resourceful enough to survive even this.

Her apartment was furnished nicely, not the way she would have wanted it, of course, but she figured it was tolerable until she could remedy the situation. The sheets were packaged and sitting on the bed along with half a dozen bags filled with clothes. Not bothering to put anything away, she made the bed, changed into the boxers she had borrowed from Angel and curled up on the couch.

She was sure there was a lot of news that she had missed during her fight to help save the world. There hadn't been time for E! Entertainment in the higher planes. She had enough of death and decay and bloodshed, she thought, it was time for some red carpet flashbacks.

Leaning her head on the arm of the couch, she sighed and finally let the pain wash over her. Even as she snickered at some of the ridiculous fashions people seemed to be wearing, her eyes were watering and blurring. Her life had changed so drastically, so quickly.

Wiping her eyes, she took a breath. There would be time to grieve later, she thought. Now was the time to prepare for what was about to happen. Having been privy to a few details about the future, she knew that there was not going to be any time to comfort herself.

People were going to die in the morning.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

The doorbell rang absurdly early. The sun wasn't even up yet. Putting his arm on Buffy's shoulder, he assured her everything was fine and pulled on a robe to go downstairs. Dragging a hand through his hair, he started thinking of every possible obscenity to verbally berate whoever was at the door with. Thinking it was probably Will, having found another emergency that required assistance, Angel was surprised when he saw two uniformed police officers.

He listened for a few minutes before making his way upstairs and quickly dressing. Buffy was alarmed by his sudden movements, but understanding dawned quickly when he gave a brief summary of the morning events. She was up and dressing before he was finished putting on his shoes, and waited patiently for her to finish.

They followed the police cruiser downtown at a steady pace, but Buffy couldn't help but noticing Angel's pale knuckles as he drove. The steering wheel looked like it might come away from the dash at any moment, he was gripping so tightly. They drove in silence; Buffy knew Angel would not want to talk at that moment. He was too focused on getting to police station and hearing what happened to his son.

When they arrived at the police station, Angel was escorted to whatever room Connor was in. Buffy waited in the lobby. It didn't take her long to realize that she should the call someone and explain the situation, and tell that Angel probably would be significantly delayed. She dialed Will's home phone number.

He answered on the third ring. Will assured Buffy that he would be there to pick her up and to ask Angel what he wanted done. This matter was going to have to be handled very carefully, they both realized.

Not very far away, Cordy was sobbing into her pillows. She had felt the loss, knew it had been coming, but still hadn't been entirely prepared. The Powers had sent her a vision, but her vision had been unlike anything she had ever experienced. It wasn't a call to help someone; it had been a warning to stay away.

Being forced to stay her hand, she had paced since very early in the morning. Constantly looking at the clock on the wall had made her wince. She knew the moment it happened, and she felt the pain of the people she loved. This was her punishment, she thought, to be impotent to save lives.

Her fists came down hard on the bedspread, and she screamed into the pillow. Her muffled, anguished cries would be heard by no one, she knew. Her pain was hers alone to endure. Finally, when she felt all her tears had been spilled and she had no more energy to cry, she dragged herself from the bed and went into the kitchen.

There was no food in the apartment yet. Clothes and furniture were easy to get on demand, it seemed, but not coffee and eggs. Slamming the refrigerator door in frustration, she went to the bathroom and showered. The warm water soothed her aching eyes.

She toweled dry and dressed quickly, not bothering with makeup since she didn't have any. There was a driver outside her building, waiting for her at the curb, and he would stay there until she was ready to go. Needing desperately to eat and shop, she left her temporary home and settled into the backseat of a discreet black car.

Putting her head in her hands, she felt the credit card in her back packet bend a little as she moved forward. Sitting back, she reached into her pocket and drew out the bit of plastic. Angel had assured her that she would have no problems using his credit card. They went through drive-thru to get Cordy breakfast. She didn't consider fast food real food, but she was wouldn't go into a restaurant looking like a battered woman. Her eyes were red rimmed and swollen and her skin was blotchy from crying. She vowed that a drug store was the first place they were going; she needed to make herself look acceptable before she picked out area rugs and tea kettles.

She didn't languish as she normally would in stores. She chose kitchen essentials and a few decorations for the apartment without much enthusiasm. Clothing shopping exhausted her, and she gave up trying things on after half an hour. If the tag said it was her size, she bought whatever the tag was attached to.

A speedy stop at a grocery store was the last errand of the day. The groceries were in the trunk of the car, everything else she had bought would be delivered later that day. After arriving back at her apartment and helping her driver bring the groceries inside, she thanked him politely and showed him out.

A few hours later, after eating ramen noodles and stripping her clothes off, she stood naked in her bathroom. The sink was filled with dirty water and two towels lay on the floor, covered in hair dye. Scissors in hand, she went to work, tears falling silently down her cheeks as she snipped her hair bit by bit. When she thought enough damage was done, she attacked her head with a straightening iron.

The end result was a very dark haired Cordelia. Her once bouncy and curly bob was now straight and choppy. Dark eyeliner completed the look she was striving for. She looked harsh, like a gothic version of Victoria Beckham, she thought. Her tears subsided as she looked at herself.

Her body was no worse for wear, indeed, she looked as fit as she ever had. The Powers had known that sending her back in any other condition than battle ready would be unwise. Cordy couldn't remember a time she hadn't been able to get herself into the way of serious bodily harm.

Donning a pair of track pants and a sports bra, she left her apartment. Running through the darkening streets served to take her mind from the events she was sure had transpired throughout the day. She wondered would be a good time to reveal her presence to her friends. They would need time to adjust from the mornings' events, she thought. She believed her presence would only serve as a hindrance, and therefore she decided to stay away for a time.

She could live anonymously for a little while. And Angel wouldn't forget about her no matter how much pain and suffering he had to deal with. She was sure that a new identity would be handed to her in the morning.

She ran until her lungs ached and her legs felt like jelly, and then she ran some more. It was late in the evening when she finally stumbled into her apartment, hungry and sweat covered. Collapsing onto her couch long enough to get her breath, she wondered how Angel had dealt with his day.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Connor was sitting in the interrogation room, a cup of water in front of him. There was no place else to send him. The hospital didn't need him, and the police had wanted a statement. His tears were still fresh on his cheeks when he looked up and saw Angel open the door.

As the larger man wrapped his arms around him, Connor felt himself shaking. The young man didn't realize he was crying until he heard his father whisper comforting words in his ear. Trying desperately to control himself, Connor pulled away and wiped his eyes. He felt paralyzed with grief. He didn't know if his legs would move if he tried to stand.

Angel pulled a chair next to him and sat with his hands on his sons' shoulders. Angel had no idea what to say to his son that could make the situation any better. Connor had been pulled from his biological father and now the people he remembered, the people Connor though of as his family, were gone too.

"They said I should take you home." Angel didn't know what to say so he stayed silent.

Silent tears rolled down Connor's cheeks as he spoke in a whisper. "I don't have anywhere to go."

Angel recognized the look of utter dismay on his sons' features. He had seen that look in the mirror more than once. Standing, he pulled Connor to his feet and put his arm around his sons' shoulders as they walked down the hallway.

Buffy was standing in the lobby next to Will. They didn't give any reassuring smiles as Connor passed. They had both felt the pain of loss and knew that Connor couldn't be comforted at that time. Angel gave Will a look his friend knew all to well as he and Connor passed. Will would spend the rest of the day getting every bit of information there was about Connors' families' accident.

The house fire had started sometime around two in the morning. The police hadn't yet ruled out arson, and wouldn't for some time. The investigation team would take days to sift through the wreckage; when they were done Will would have a team from Wolfram and Hart there. The fire had spread through the house before anyone had awakened.

Connor's parents and two younger sisters died in the blaze. All the people the young man had left in his life were his girlfriend, Katherine, and Angel. Putting Connor into the passenger seat of the car, Angel got behind the wheel and watched Buffy and Will start to pull out of the parking lot. They would go into the office, Angel knew.

The best thing for Connor, Angel thought, was to be somewhere quiet. He wasn't about to leave his son alone, Angel knew the lengths people could be driven to when they were utterly lost within and consumed by grief. Connor looked as if the grief had swallowed him, and Angel couldn't blame the young man. Connor's life had been so flipped and turned about throughout his few years Angel was impressed the young man was as sane as he was.

They drove to the hills in silence, with Angel wondering what to say, and finally deciding to say nothing. Connor was sitting completely still, staring at the dash board in front of him. He didn't look as though he was going to say anything any time soon.

After parking the car, Angel and Connor went inside in silence. Dorita took one look at Connor and immediately left the living room and disappeared somewhere inside the house. Sitting Connor on the couch, Angel busied himself with making tea. There was nothing he could say to his son to make the loss of his entire family any less painful.

Sitting next to Connor in silence, Angel put a cup of tea in the young man's hand. Watching Connor sip in silence, staring at the wall above the television, was too much for Angel to bear. He felt his heart breaking for his son. Putting his arm around Connor's shoulders, Angel drew his son closer, hoping Connor would take comfort in the gesture.

It was a long time before either of them spoke. Connor finally broke the silence. "I feel paralyzed. Is this really happening?"

"It is. I'm so sorry, Connor." Angel meant what he said with all his heart. All he had ever wanted was for Connor to be happy. He had placed Connor with a family guaranteed to love and support him. Now, Angel wondered if Connor had been better off that way. It seemed that no matter what Angel did Connor was going to come back to him. Angel's plan of trying to keep Connor from the life that Angel was destined to live seemed as though it was not going to work.

"Why? Why?" His voice broke as his eyes watered. As much as Angel's heart was torn by Connor's show of pain, Angel was more frightened when his son was catatonic.

"We'll find out, Connor. We'll know what happened soon. I promise we'll find out what happened."

Connor wasn't comforted. It didn't matter why or who or how come, he thought. His family was gone; everything that felt real and stable to him was gone. He had loved his parents, his sisters. They hadn't been a replacement family; they had been his entire family. His brief life with Angel seemed distant, as if that were another life, or another person's life.

Taking a deep breath, Connor was consumed with a sudden and inescapable exhaustion. He wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. He stood with difficulty, his limbs felt too long and he moved as though through a thick cloud of fog. With Angel's hand on his arm, he was guided upstairs and into bed.

Connor didn't entirely register Angel taking his shoes off or pulling the covers over him. Grabbing a pillow tightly to his chest, he let himself sob into it, his father's hand rubbing his back the entire time. A tiny part of Connor's mind felt foolish for being so childish, but that part was dwarfed entirely by the majority of his consciousness that needed to be loved at that moment.

Angel watched as Connor slowly stopped sobbing and drifted into a fitful sleep. He watched his son sleep for a few minute before he stood and made his way back downstairs. The best thing Connor could do at that moment was rest, Angel thought. The coming days wouldn't be easy. Sighing, he dragged a hand through his hair and thought of all the preparations that Connor would be forced to deal with. Planning four funerals wasn't going to be easy.

Angel picked up the phone and sat at the kitchen bar, waiting for Buffy to pick up. She answered silently, knowing it was him, and waited for him to speak.

"Do we know anything yet?"

"No. It wasn't an accident, though. The fire marshal's investigation isn't finished, but he doubts this was accidental. How is he?"

"Not good. He fell asleep just before I called you."

He heard Buffy sigh on the other end of the phone. "Will took over as president. He's doing whatever it is that you do. Assigned a lot of his work to the rest of us. Wesley and Gunn are swamped. Fred even came back in, to help. We can't do this with two people down."

He sighed in return and leaned back a little on the bar stool. "I know. I'm glad she could come in. Who's with Allie?"

"Allie's here. Fred brought her basinet and things, set Allie up in her office. Wills' number one priority is finding who killed Connor's parents, so a lot of work has fallen to us. Angel…I don't know what I'm doing. I…oh, god, that's so selfish, isn't it? I was thinking about how much work I have to do that I don't know how to do and that I'm uncomfortable and exhausted and…that's really selfish." She paused, and Angel could almost hear her berating herself internally.

"Stop that. This will be stressful for everyone. I need to be with Connor right now. He doesn't have anyone else except his girlfriend, and I don't know if he'll want her here. Just…hang in there, okay? I know you're tired; don't work too late. Come home whenever you're ready to. I love you, Buffy."

"I love you too, Angel."

They said their last goodbyes and Angel disconnected for a brief second before dialing Will's number. He picked up on the first ring.

"Hey." Will sounded none too pleased.

"Hey. What do we know?"

"Not too much. Definitely not accidental, but there was no accelerant. They won't release a statement yet, but a guy I know inside the investigation team said there was no way that was accidental."

"So the question is who wants to target Connor's family?"

"Any names off the top of your head?"

Walking into the living room, he retrieved the mugs of still warm tea and dumped them into the sink. He thought for a few minutes before he spoke. "No one knows who he is, other than you guys. I don't think he has any enemies from work, especially not enemies that would be capable of this. It's worth looking into though. I want a timeline. I need to know where Connor was and what he was doing before this happened. Let's start looking back as far as last month and we'll go further back if we need to. Pull as many people in on this as you think necessary. I need to be with my son."

"You got it. Look, come in sometime today or tomorrow. If Connor's up to it, I need to talk to him. You could probably get more out of him, but I don't think you could handle hurting him. Better if you let me talk to him. Whenever he's ready."

"He just lost his entire life, Will. Give the kid some time. And I can talk to him."

"Yeah, but you'll stop when he starts crying. Besides, you're his dad; you shouldn't be the one to interview him. Let me do it."

Sighing, Angel acquiesced, and hung up the phone. Putting his head in his hands, he let his emotions wash over him for a brief time. In most instances, he would bleed out his pain, but he wasn't sure he could do that now. He had been trying to stop cutting himself since Buffy came back into his life. If she found out that was his habit, she would be none too pleased. It was better to stop all together than risk her knowing.

Taking a deep breath, Angel thought about his son. There was so little he could do for him. Angel knew the funeral arrangements would be taken care of, he would see to it himself. There was so much to do, he thought, and Connor would have to make a lot of difficult decisions in the coming days.

Angel wondered who could have devised such a devious plan and why. Why would anyone want to hurt Connor, he asked himself? Why would anyone want to hurt Connor's family? The only answer Angel could come up with was that whoever had murdered Connor's family was trying to force Angel's hand in something. Connor wasn't a threat, Angel thought, he hadn't been active in the demon community for years.

Angel wondered if he had gotten Connor's family killed. Guilt washed over him. He had gotten Cordy kicked out of her higher plane, and now he was responsible for the deaths of four people very much loved and cherished by his son. Was there nothing he touched that didn't turn to dust, he asked himself.

Standing, and vowing it was the last time he would do so, he headed to the bathroom. Buffy would never have to know, he told himself. This was his secret, Angel thought. He wasn't hurting anyone else when he was hurting himself.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Cordy looked through her window onto the street below. Leaning her head against the cool glass, she wished for a vision. She needed something to distract her from her thoughts. A vision, and the subsequent violence she would employ to save the person or people in her vision, would certainly take her mind off the problems of her life.

She was trying to tell herself that there was nothing she could have done to save Connor's family. The Powers did not want her to save them; they had been meant to die. Connor was being called into the fray, and the best way to be called was through tragedy. There were no heroes whose lives were full of happiness and ease, Cordy thought. Heroes had to be tempered by fire; they had to be tested to see if they could survive. Connor was about to be tested.

A few must be sacrificed to save many. That was the idea as she understood it. Four innocent people would die now so that Connor could save many hundreds of innocent people later. The idea made her uncomfortable, but she had accepted it as truth. There was no way to change history, she told herself. What was done was done.

Dragging her hands through her hair, she looked across the room to the mirror on the wall. Her hair was poker straight and just touched her shoulders. The choppy black locks and her dark eye liner gave her a new, more intense and severe look. She no longer looked as soft as she once had. There was a definite and hardened edge to Cordelia now.

She slipped into jeans and a white tank top. The jeans stretched; they were better to fight in since tight jeans with no stretch tended to rip during high kicks. The outline of her white bra was visible under her shirt. She completed her look with a black vest and slightly healed black boots. It was time to go hunting.

The demon population in Los Angeles was slight these days, she knew, but there were still vampires being sired on a nightly basis. Enough of them were killed that the population was no longer expanding, but there would always be things to kill during the night. Getting into her rental car, her temporary until Angel sent her a new vehicle, she started towards a cemetery. Angel had sent her a packet with a new identity. Her name was Cordelia Eason. She had a birth certificate, a driver's license, social security card, bank accounts, and many other forms of identification and paperwork.

Frowning, she continued to drive through the downtown streets. She didn't want Angel helping her so much. He had acquired her apartment, filled it with furniture, given her the means to live by for quite some time, and sent her a rental car to use. He was too much her benefactor, she thought. It was time for some separation. She was going to start applying for jobs tomorrow, she told herself. Angel would certainly give her a glowing recommendation.

Sighing, she realized the time to tell her friends she was alive and well was soon approaching. She wouldn't be able to stay under the radar for too long. Angel was careful, she doubted he would let anything slip, but sooner or later someone would recognize her and give her away. She knew she had to preempt an accidental discovery.

The cemetery was dark. Beyond the lights by the entrance gates, there was no artificial light to be seen or see by. The moon was out, though, and the sky was clear, so Cordy had good visibility for hunting. The short sword on her back, almost hidden under her vest, and the stake strapped to her thigh were the only things to give away that she was anything other than a waiting victim.

She cocked her head to the side when she heard laughter on the breeze. Turning in the direction of the sound she heard something even more disturbing in the graveyard. Someone was crying. She started to move faster. They were raising another vampire and had brought along a first meal.

She could make out three vampires and one hostage girl all huddled around a newly turned grave. The vampires were laughing, their true faces showing in the faint light, and the girl had a thin piece of cloth tied around her head, cutting into the sides of her mouth and acting as a gag. Her face was tear streaked and she looked as if she had been dragged behind a horse for a few miles. They had worked her over before bringing her here as a meal, Cordy surmised.

She didn't want to wait for the new fledging to join the party, so with a fast leap-frog maneuver over the gravestone in front of her, she landed a few feet from the group. They turned and growled, their fangs showing as they hissed in her direction. Before any of them moved, Cordy was charging, grabbing the short sword from her back.

She had decapitated one and was watching him turn to dust before her eyes when someone else joined the fray. Her eyes widened as her mind was dismayed. Working in unpracticed unison, she went for the girl as her new helper went for the other two vamps. Dragging the girl to her feet, Cordy pulled her to a line of trees and threw her to the ground behind the widest one.

Sinking to her knees, she pulled the gag from the sobbing girl and started to undo the cord that was binding her wrists. Cordy watched the girl rub her aching and raw wrists before she turned to the quickly ending fight. Walking slowly but purposefully, she pulled the stake from her thigh and swiftly stabbed it into the back of the vampire that was clawing his way out of a grave.

Dropping the stake back into its holster, she crossed her arms across her chest and stared at Will. He stared back, balking at her presence. She watched as the gears within his brain started to turn a little faster and waited for him to speak.

"You're dead."

"Obviously not."

"Right. So…what the hell? When did you come back and why? Does Angel know? No, wait, of course he does. He couldn't keep away from you even when you were dead."

Her frown deepened. "You're an ass. And an idiot. I'm back, for good, and yes, Angel knows. What are you doing here?"

Will sighed heavily and put his hands in his jean pockets. All he had wanted was a little time away from the office, he told himself. He had only wanted a reprieve from the work he was doing for Angel and Connor, and he ended up finding a dead seer, looking very unhappy and distinctly gothic.

"You changed your hair."

"So did you. What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing, love. I was out for a stroll and looking for some stress relief. The way you went into that fight, you were looking for a lot more than that. To be honest, I thought you were Faith at first. Until I caught your scent. And she wouldn't wear that vest."

Cordy released a slow breath. "No one knows. I want to keep to keep it that way. I trust you to do that."

"Sure you do. Look, no one will hear this from me, I swear. You know they're going to find out, though. You can't keep this from them forever; especially if you're going around in graveyards killing things. That kind of stuff gets around, you know."

She considered this for a time. He was right, she knew; if she continued to frequent the places her friends did, they would find out about her new chance at life before she was ready to tell anyone.

"I'll go somewhere else," she finally said.

"Or you could just tell everyone. Why are keeping yourself a secret?" He cocked his head a little at her. They deserved to know, Will thought. Everyone deserved to know if she was back. This was going to turn out very poorly if she continued to hide her existence from their friends.

"It's none of your business why I'm not telling anyone yet. I just need time, okay?" She took a deep breath. "Will…we're not friends. I know you're a good guy, and you're a great friend to Angel, but you're not my friend. Don't give me advice. I will tell everyone when I am ready to. Until then, please don't say anything."

Nodding, he said, "I don't understand, but I guess I don't have to. Look, though, Angel's having a hell of a time with everything that's happening. I know he and Connor could use a friend that understands. Wes and Fred have their own lives and a newborn to deal with; they can't be there as much as they used to be. Gunn's…distracted lately. They need you."

"What about Buffy? Where's she in all of this? Angel has her, and their soon-to-be-born son, and they'll be fine. He's been in the dumps for so long he doesn't know how to be happy. Six months of being sane and having a family and all his dreams come true won't change that. And having his son smashed with such a terrific loss won't help either. He just needs time. As for Connor…well, trial by fire. I can't control that. They'll see me when they're ready, and none of them are ready yet."

"You know best, huh? Of course you do, you can see the future. Well, let me know how that works out for you." Turning on his heel, he started away from Cordy and towards the outer edge of the graveyard.

She's going to screw everything up, he thought. There was no way this transition was going to go smoothly, Will told himself. With so many things bouncing around his head, trying to steal buts of consciousness that he wasn't sure he could spare, he tried to push thought of Cordelia from his mind. He had a murderer to find.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

I had some computer problems and had to wait for new parts to come in. I apologize for taking so long to update this, but my computer wouldn't turn on for over a week! Then, I moved and that took a lot of time and energy. I hope everyone will still want to read this!

Angel rubbed his eyes for a while and then let his head fall back. Connor had come downstairs for a time and let Angel make him some food, but the young man hadn't been very enthusiastic about eating. Sighing heavily, Angel had watched his son drag himself back upstairs and presumably into bed.

Cleaning dishes and wiping down the countertops gave Angel something productive to do. He had to stay with his son, but the feelings of uselessness were pervasive. Angel wanted to be doing something, he wanted to find who was torturing his son and beat them thoroughly. He wanted to prowl the streets for information and act violently towards anything or anyone that got in his way.

He couldn't do any of those things, though. Connor was barely functioning, and Buffy had dragged herself upstairs, into the shower, and into bed when she returned home. She was more emotionally exhausted than physically, Angel knew. Her body could endure much more than she currently was, but her mind was tired of the constant barrage of stress.

Buffy was worried about her baby. Angel was aware that even though Buffy denied any anxiety about the seemingly amazing powers of their offspring, she was deeply troubled by the myriad unknowns surrounding their baby. The combined stressors of her near death experience and the danger her baby had been in, the newly discovered powers of their child, and Angel's stress related to Connor had taken their toll on the woman. She needed time to recharge her batteries, and Angel was going to give her that time. He was not about to wake her simply to talk about his feelings. She needed to rest, for herself and for the baby.

Looking at his watch, he sighed again. Will had said he would call with new information, but so far the phone had been silent. The last time Angel had talked to his friend Will was about to let off steam patrolling. Angel was slightly envious at that. Making his way onto the patio, he unbuttoned his shirt. Laying the garment on a patio chair, he slipped his shoes and socks off. Taking deep breaths Angel started the first of the dance like movements of tai chi.

Breathing deeply throughout his movements, he turned and pivoted slowly and gracefully. Concentrating on keeping his weight bearing knee bent, he went through a series of circular movements, concentrating on far reaching and open handed strikes. His nerves were raw, his emotions felt scattered. Thoughts had been racing through his mind since he had first seen Connor at the police station. His learned coping mechanisms, until now, had been working, but he was finding that it was more and more difficult to release frustration through self harm.

His movements became faster and his arms struck out with ferocity and grace. His movements quickly transformed into fast, short bursts of speed that were circular and beautiful yet violent at the same time. Angel continued through the movements until his nose caught a scent that he would never fail to recognize.

He slowed and then stopped, turning to see the mother of his unborn child. She was in sweatpants and a tank top, her hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail, and she was as beautiful to him as anything he had ever seen. Taking a deep breath and wiping some sweat from his brow, he didn't even try to give her a reassuring smile. She wouldn't buy it if he tried to sell it.

"You don't look very good."

He didn't respond to her. He knew that she was staring into him, and anything he said, if not entirely truthful, would be immediately deciphered. Her gaze left him naked and exposed, and he chose to stay silent instead, fearing what she would hear if he allowed himself to speak.

"Come inside. The air conditioning's much nicer than being out here. I feel like I'm back in Africa. Only I wasn't pregnant then so I didn't mind as much." She turned on her heel and walked into the living room, knowing that he would follow.

They sat together on the couch, staring vacantly into space. It seemed there wasn't much they could say to each other in that moment, but Buffy somehow managed to find words to fill to silence.

"Connor can survive this. He might not survive it well, or totally intact, but he will survive it. He'll be okay eventually, Angel. I know he can find himself again, find his true purpose in life; find the meaning of why he's on this planet. Loosing everyone, so violently, that will devastate him completely for a long time. But he won't always be devastated. It's you I'm worried about. You look…dead inside sometimes. What's going on, Angel?"

His breath caught. She was calling him out and he had no truthful response for her. "I'm not dead inside."

She sighed heavily and shifted in her seat to face him slightly. "I know that. You just don't always have to be the strong one, Angel. You don't always have to be the hero. You are most of the time, and you don't have to try to be. You just are. But sometimes you're not and that's okay. It's okay to take a break."

"How can I do that? Connor is basically catatonic. He needs me right now. I can't take a break."

"None of us ever really can. I mean, there is always a crisis. This one is bigger than most, bigger than world saving. This is your son. I get that, Angel, I really do. But, you don't always have to have the strong face. Not with me. You can be real with me, Angel, I won't judge you."

He sat for along time, staring at the wall in front of him. He was so used to saving everyone else he didn't think he had the energy to take time for himself. He was too used to solving the problems of the world that he wasn't sure if he could solve his own. He wasn't even sure what his problems were. How was he to fix something if he didn't know what exactly was broken, he asked himself.

"Buffy….I'm just overwhelmed. Connor needs me, and I'm glad that I can be there for him. This was…I can't imagine what he's going through. And the baby…and you. And…I'm just a little overwhelmed. That's all."

"Yeah, and I'm the pope. There's something you're not telling me, but you never tell me anything until you're good and ready, so I won't press that. But there is more to this than you being overwhelmed. What's going on?"

"It's my fault." The words tumbled out of his mouth faster than he could control them. "It's my fault. If Connor wasn't my son, his family would be alive. And our baby will be in danger forever because it's ours. Everything I touch, everything I'm around, turns to dust. It's all my fault. I should have given him up entirely. I shouldn't have kept that book, he would be with his family safe and sound and happy. But I was selfish and I got innocent people killed."

She gaped at him. "You have some serious issues. It's not your fault. We don't know that your book had anything to do with Connor's family. Whoever killed them may not even want to hurt you, Angel. Connor is a force for good, even though he isn't active right now. Maybe someone wants to turn him. It could have nothing to do with you."

"His life being screwed up is my fault in the first place. Everything…it was all my fault. He would be a happy little kid right now if I didn't screw up and he didn't go to hell for the majority of his life. I mean…Buffy…" His sentence died on the wind as he ran out of energy to speak.

Connor's life was his fault; Cordelia's recent return to this plane was his fault, though he could never tell Buffy that. Buffy couldn't know that Cordelia was back. No one could. He knew what they would think, how he would be judged, and he wasn't ready for that. Besides, he reasoned, Cordy needed her time and space.

"Angel, you are either bossing everyone around with your type A personality, acting like the emperor of the universe, or you're beating yourself up and thinking about how worthless you are. You need to see a shrink. I mean, there has to be a middle in that spectrum where you can live."

Sighing, Angel realized that he had never fully gotten over his perceived rejection by Buffy. He was still carrying that hurt around with him even though she was with him and pregnant with his child. Logically, he knew she loved him, but he also still remembered the devastation he felt when he thought she didn't. It was difficult to forget that kind of pain, he realized.

Nodding slowly, he reached across the couch and pulled her closer to him. Laying his hand on her protruding belly, he whispered to his son, still growing inside the woman he loved. He whispered too low for Buffy to hear, but he felt the tension in her body melt away as rubbed his hand across her stomach.

Lifting his head, he put his lips to hers in a touchingly passionate way. "I love you. I'm okay, Buffy. Right now, I'm okay. We'll be okay. I promise."

Smiling, she stroked his hair. "I know we'll be okay. We're together."

Pulling himself from the couch, he put his arm around her and they ascended the steps. They were going to need their energy for the days ahead. Connor would need support, murderers would need to be brought to justice, and their family would need camaraderie. Angel would need his strength to deal with the coming days and weeks, and he was starting to realize that he could get that strength, not only from himself, but from those who loved him.


End file.
